★恋空的感受★

Just about there..

2012-01-22T02:35:00.001+08:00

How's life been? I've been questioning myself. Honestly, it's all about work! Well, I'm getting used to work as a Registered Nurse now. It's a bit too much for me to begin with, but I tried my best. It is definitely brilliant to get compliment from the manager that she could see me handling things in a professional way and follow up things efficiently. I suppose, I should have more confidence with myself.

It has only been a couple of months since I'm officially taking on an Enrolled Nurse position, and yet I'm given a chance to deal with something more than that. I should really say, this is out of my expectation, and I'm looking at myself as kind of lack of experience. I hope students learning from me is finding it alright:) Undeniably it's kinda stressful sometimes, it feels like I'm spending my whole day in that place dealing with old people, doctor, phone calls, pharmacy and staff. Well.. Basically everything that happens in a day, you're responsible for it.

At some point, I think it's too much. I need some de-stress. But every time when you took some time off the roster, you knew that you'll have to make it up next time. Just because you're making your own living, I gotta pay my rent.. I gotta think about my fees. Days off are technically just for a rest, it's only physically. Mentally up there, I don't think I ever did have a rest. Maybe I'm worrying too much..

I guess that is why I reckon, I could only handle study and work in the coming 2 yrs. Commitment is too much, not that I'm not willing to contribute part of my life, but somehow life doesn't seems to always appears in the way you wanted it to be! People take things for granted, and I believe no one would understand more than I do if things are worth it for a long wait or taking it easy.

There are always good and bad side just like head and tail on a coin. Sometimes it doesn't means that things are good when I didn't voice out the dark side. I suppose I'm not great but at least I knew the basic of judging whose good to me. I think I should stop wasting time for people that ask more than give. Or perhaps, taking things for granted that only appears when they need you. I need to love myself more than giving the privilege away to someone that probably doesn't worth it.

I felt sorry, for people who likes and loves me. I'm so lucky to have people that's treating me so nicely. But I think things would remain the same for the meanwhile. We'll never know what's coming to us in the future, but I'm truly sorry. I wish I could cherish what's in front of me, but somehow it doesn't work out. There's always something bothering me, even though I tried to get rid of it. That's human, always wanted something that doesn't belong to you...

It's a new year!

2012-01-03T20:16:00.002+08:00

Yeah right, it's a New Year! Well, wasn't that excited right at the moment. This is not a new year post,just right at the moment, I feels like writing. There is too much things going on at the moment, too much bothering me. Or perhaps, I care about things too much. Wasn't in the very best mood at the moment, just something doesn't seems to be right. Hey, can't believe I'm back here for 2 months already. I have no idea what I've done except working hard. It's only 2 months, and I'm getting tired already.

Maybe I was just grumpy that I worked last night. Not that it was bad, but it was absolutely good. Just that I didn't get to sleep, and pretty cross with the housekeeping that was bothering me from sleeping. And... now I guess I mess up my biological clock. How great, I'm working in the morning tomorrow. I hope my brain is fine=D

I will make up a post for new year, when I have time to do so. Gotta talk about the new year resolution=)

I really wonder how long can I hold on there with determination. No one is gonna stay there forever. I don't know what's bothering me? I'm just not me today. I miss HOME, I feels like CRYING! This is really BAD! Can you imagine? I feel bad because people has been too good to me, I don't know what can I do to repay. I know deep in my heart, I would never be able to repay in the way you treat me. And what about things that I care? What does it means when you only care about it when you have time?

If I have a chance to choose, I don't want anything. But leave me a peaceful life if you didn't meant to be straight forward. I need to have my own life.

心情很差

2011-11-26T20:39:00.001+08:00

我突然不晓得自己在干什么，只是知道我今天花了好多时间在厕所里，泻了一整天，也快脱水了吧！感觉我快疯了！我什么也做不了，因为肚子疼得要命。我只是看着偶像剧，然后一直往厕所跑！累了，但却睡不着。快来救救我啊！

刚刚在看"我可能不会爱你"。这部偶像剧真的很有意思，也让我想了好多！也许有些人觉得闷，但至少我觉得很真实。现实里，应该会有这样一个人吧！还有那男女之间那复杂的关系，我们谁也无法了解。说不出口的有很多，埋藏在那以后的也许会就这样错失应有的。

有时候我们会习惯一个人对我们的好，然后渐渐的这变成了一种依赖。人家都说不要爱上一个人对你的好，因为你不晓得他可以对多少个人好，但对你好不代表他爱你。很复杂吧！大人的世界就是如此，所以我好不想长大！

有一个你不用多说就能明白你的心情的人，是件幸福的事=）有一个当你有烦恼，愿意听你诉苦，然后再想办法帮你解决的人，是件幸福的事=)有时候我总在想，朋友和情人之间，是否一定要存有那灰色地带呢？而那说不清的地带，到底算什么？不说清楚真的好过吗？

心情很差的原因在哪我真的不想说，只是我真的没有很好。在这一刻我希望自己什么都别想，但我好像办不到。有些事情我真的该好好想想，给自己一个期限，然后再去追求值得的。

Miss all of these..

2011-11-22T19:47:00.003+08:00

It's only been like 2 weeks plus since I came back to Adelaide. Well, it seems like it's been ages for me! I suppose time flies, but it goes quick when you're busy. I've been spending most of my time on work, class, and getting myself back to a healthy lifestyle. Honestly, it's too hard! Especially when you were ask to work a double shift or night shift like last minute. And your time eventually get mess up again=/

Owh:( I miss home badly when I first got back. It's hard to believe that you'll woke up in the middle of the night and find yourself in tears or wetting the pillowcase. I suppose STRESS has push me up to such a limit!

There's so much that I really miss back home. I don't know but somehow I guess it must be quiet at home now. I seems to be making noise or perhaps I talk.. and talk for the day!=D I miss moments where everyone treat me like a baby. You'll never get daddy who get rids of the fish bones because he knows you'll never have it if you gotta do it yourself. You'll never get mummy that try to cook whatever you like when you're home=D You'll never have brother that get you food all the time like you were gonna starve and make fun of you like a kids! And you'll never get a sister to have pillow talk with you and sleeping together=) or probably hits you in the middle of the night.. *evil*

That's the difference of being home and Adelaide:) there's so much memories with friends and cousins where you grew up together. There'll be heaps of silly stories that you could never imagine. 2 yrs it's not gonna be short! But perhaps that's how life is, when you wanted something better, you'll have to work hard or give up something.

Life in Adelaide is great too! But it's more to a planned and organized life. My day has always been planned in advance of a month according to my roster and time table. I'll have to be on my own most of the time. But I reckon I'm a lucky girl. I have a great workplace, and having those lovely and caring colleague. I felt warmth and you guys just gave me all the happiness especially I'm so far away from home at this age:) Not to forget about those old people that I'm taking care of=D Your thanks means a lot to what I did for you, a big smile would be worth it=) Honestly, I'm enjoying my time with you all, getting to spend time with the oldies was part of my life. Thanks for looking after me, and being so caring when I was so tired from work.

Out of work, I have some social life too:) It's acceptable to be insane sometimes, that creates some memorable moments in life! Sometimes I'm so afraid of losing all of these. But somehow, things get complicated when you grow up, and that'll be another chapter of life right?

I really wonder if it's a right decision of getting into Flinders University which seems so tough compared to UniSA? But perhaps, I want something better.. And obviously it's not gonna be easy to get it.. But I suppose, the outcome would be fruitful=D So, Gambateh Michelle! It's a good thing trying to hold on till I get there:)

There's always matter I couldn't even explain in my life. As I said, it's out of my capability to differentiate the line between a friend or something more than that. But perhaps, I'm always glad to have you<3 At least I realize that I've been relying on you for the past 2 yrs and even up till now. We never know what will happen in the future since it's unpredictable. I know it's time to let go of something that doesn't worth it and go on for something better or perhaps someone who deserves it! I never know fate could be in such a unexplainable way and I always wonder why is that? If I was given a chance, I hope the story would end as I wished=D Unfortunately, it's not up to me, and we'll see what will happen. Sometimes I found myself kind of stubborn or stupid to only realize things when it's already over=/ In between being harsh and letting go, I always give up!

Anyway, 'Rock n Roll' Michelle! You need more faith to hang on there=D

了解...变成了恐惧

2011-11-03T02:49:00.002+08:00

越是长大，我越能明白不想长大的原理。越是了解，这一切都变成了恐惧...我希望生活很平凡，但往往自己却比想象中幸福，但我却开始逃避，因为我不想面对总有一天也许会失去的事实。有时候，现实很美，但在我看来，是很难面对的事情，因为我岂人忧天，总是在为还没到来的事情提心掉胆。

请你不要用你的想法来猜测我的思想，因为你不够了解我！如果你什么都不说，我只能说自己白目得什么都不懂。如果你想无理取闹，那我一概不理。如果你想发脾气，如果我认为自己没有错，那请你气消了再回来找我吧！如果你毫无警戒的干涉我的生活，那对不起...我一点都不好过。如果你是小气家，那我们也许就无缘了！很多事情，我都能够包容，只是不要得寸进尺，不要干涉我的自由，不要在毫无原因的情况下要求我得把你摆在第一位。

我没有大家眼里那般洒脱，至少在从恋爱变成单身的我，有好多失眠的夜晚。洒脱只是伪装的面具，那是射手座的本性。我希望自己在大家面前至少是开朗乐观的。我可以在这一刻带着欢笑，下一刻却沉静冷漠。我固执得可怜，固执得灌溉自己是多么的坚强，却从来不为自己的悲伤着想。

射手是大家公认的花心星座，其实他们不是花心，只是不晓得这一次能够相信吗？当曾经的信任，在这一刻变得伤痕累累...那我可以什么都不要，因为这已让我变得狼狈不堪，心里没有恨，只是那默默的忧伤。有时候，竟然还可以笨得相信烂借口，因为我心软，因为我抵不过泪水，抵不住现实的残酷。我宁愿活在回忆，至少那是美好的！只是，我在大家眼里，笨得无可救药！我后来发现，也许自己根本就分不清好人坏人..

我努力的笑，但心里头痛的很...不能面对现实时，我只好让生活过得忙碌，但夜深人静时，我也只能面对自己。伪装的乐观也许很痛苦，但请你笑一笑，让我觉得这一切会值得！

♥Life has been too great♥

2011-10-26T00:34:00.003+08:00

Hey there! Life has been truly great too me. Giving me so much great people and most importantly those great memories. Honestly, this trip back is all about unexpectation. All I have in my mind previously was just getting a good rest and be back to the tough life again. But I had such a sweet dream. Omg! Like seriously, thanks guys! I think I'm lucky to have all of you.

13 years of friendship and yet it will always go on as I know. From primary school where I'm just a tiny monitor up till today which I'm already an Enrolled Nurse. I probably don't look like one, more to a crazy nurse thoughXD Things never changed, it's just that we all grew up. Everyone is getting engaged with a busy yet different life. It wasn't that simple as it used to be.

I was supposed to return to Adelaide on the 17Oct but ended up postponing it for another 2 weeks. I would have missed out some amazing moments if everything was settled on time. I know I was gonna miss Curry... Tom Yum... and Mushroom!XD Not the food, but the people. I couldn't recall all of those ridiculous stories. But, there's lots of fun! From how we got ourself a name based on the food, to how we use that in our daily life=D From the stories of ah piao, to ham sap beh beh!

Those 2 weeks was probably moments where I laughed the most. Hoepfully it's not the quota of the year yet! There's just no worries being together with you all. All we enjoy was being able to spent those time together and just LAUGH! I wish I could celebrate my birthday with you guys this year, but it doesn't seems possible. I wonder how would my 20th birthday gonna be like? All I know was, hey.. I'm getting old!

Hahaha=) And I was gonna be celebrating new year all by myself. That seems pretty lonely aye? It's okay, be strong Michelle! Life is tough, but I gotta go on. Even I'm just by myself, I'll have to get it through. It's like another week away from return to where I belong. It's time to get myself back on track aye? I'm kinda sad, and probably kind of insane right at the moment. Just hope that the feeling of homesick won't kill me later on. Cheers!

~Sudden thought~

2011-10-20T23:46:00.001+08:00

I have no freaking idea what's in my mind right at this moment. But this drawing just came out with such a phrase. I reckon that's probably something that was moving around in my mind. "World seems small, but we're right opposite on the globe."

All of a sudden, I have this strong feeling of going to beach. I must have gone insane somehow. I wish I'll use my mind to get what I want instead of letting my mind to do what mind wants.

There's so much wish where I hope it'll come true. But being truly honest, none of them seems to be possible. There's so much things bothering me at the moment. I know what to do=D I really do! It's about time to get myself back on track.

There's so much things that I should really think about it. It's time to get back to healthy lifestyle, it's time to get back to study, and it's time to be a workaholic again. I'm not really a workaholic, but that's what it is trying to get along with reality.

I'm afraid of losing? YES! Definitely! Not everything will leave me alone, but not everything will stay either. Sometimes, I hate being a sagittarius.. I hate thinking too much and keeping it to myself. When I question myself, I'm probably afraid of having to face stressful moments and tough life on my own. I probably seems pretty tough, but you never know, how much tears was needed to be able to stand on my feet. But I never give up, even though sometimes it was out of my expectation.

Nothing ever seems to be easy to me. At least it never happens in my life up till now.

I don't know what to say and I have no clue how much time do I need. But it's so hard to have faith and believe once again. It's difficult getting to hold something on your hand, but it's even tougher having to let go.

Insecure

2011-10-15T03:36:00.001+08:00

It's too hard to describe how is it like getting into such a situation. Dilemma? I'm feeling so lucky to own everything I have at the moment. Everyone has been treating me in such a nice way. It wasn't that it's only a single person but everyone did! Somehow I wish it wasn't true.. I'm putting myself in such a situation that I don't know what to do being care by everyone. The more care I've got from everyone, the feeling of insecure gets stronger. I'm so afraid that things will come to an end and I have to go own by myself again.

This is too cruel! I know it's impossible to keep things forever. But.. Is there a way to keep part of it? Life goes on and I have to move forward. Can I keep something with me for this upcoming journey? It's so hard to keep going, and I'm afraid of what's coming up.

This is reality! Telling me to wake up when the dream is coming to an end.

如果世上发生的每件事都有原因，那我好想知道，这一切到底意味着什么？不要让我如此的幸福，因为我好害怕失去的感觉，我没有想像中的坚强...

转角

2011-10-12T01:21:00.002+08:00

有人说，拥有就是失去的开始？也许吧...我只是知道，有很多事情，我搞不懂，也不希望结局会是我想像的那样。你说，相信缘分，是你的就是你的，如果注定不是你的，那就会流失，变成有缘无份。我相信缘分，但如果没有把握，就算是上天安排的缘分，也一样有始无终。人是会随着时间而改变的，就算是承诺了，也没有人能够确保，这一切不会改变，没有谁会为了谁而放弃生活。这个世界，让我看清了好多现实的面孔，虽然我并不想接受！

我觉得自己好幸福，幸福得让我好难过，为什么让我拥有那么多，却又是如此的短暂？这一切很美好，但为何无法一直拥有？

~Too much happening in my tiny world~

2011-10-07T02:18:00.004+08:00

Hey guys! It seems like I've been away for quite a while. Sorry for not updating this blog, I'm pretty sure I'll need ample of time to update what I'm currently up to. Just gotta say, I'm back in Malaysia and in just a few weeks time I'm leaving for Adelaide again. I just can't put my feelings in words, and there's definitely too much to be describe.

In the past few weeks, I spent my time at Penang, Kuala Lumpur and Kuching. Even though it's just less than a week time at Penang, but it was undeniably AWESOME! It was heart stacking having to leave. I've been questioning myself every night before sleep if all of this was just a dream. How I wish it was, I rather believing this is just a dream, than having to realize that it's so painful getting back to reality. Dear God, thanks for giving me so much!

5 days in Penang is probably the most memorable moment in my life. There's things that I couldn't explain, there's moment where I laugh so hard because of those joyful moments. There's moment where I feel like crying seeing those touching moment. There's moment where you can see tears in my eyes, not because I'm feeling sad, but there's someone who understand me from the bottom of the heart, and caring for me like never ever before. Distance are tearing us apart, but you'll always be the special one. I wonder when'll be my next trip back, but I know we'll keep our promise towards achieving our own dream in life. I always hope there's an 'IF' in life, but we all know things would never be the same even there's an 'IF'!

Anyway, Congrats to my dearest Bro and Ai Sin for their sweet wedding! Wish you guys all the best in the future and eternal love. This trip back to Penang was definitely different from my previous trip back. It's only been 2 years since I last went back, and most of the relatives doesn't seems to be able to recognize me. I wonder if there's so much changes in 2 years period? It has been really funny that people seems to recognize me wrongly and with such a ridiculous assumption.

I have no idea what's in my mind at the moment. But, I'm still tired from the 4 months+ of hard work after finishing my Diploma. It's really been tiring coming back this time. I spent most of my time travelling from one place to another. Can't believe that I've catch 6 flight for this trip back, and yet it's not the end.

I know it's impossible, but how I wish I could stay longer in where I am now.

李宗伟：你没有输，只是没有拿到冠军，但依然是大马英雄！Lee Chong Wei: You're always our HERO!

2011-08-15T14:12:00.009+08:00

虽然你这一次没有拿到这个冠军，但我依然想写这篇文章给你。别人都是看卡通长大的，但我是看羽球赛长大的，我为这而感到自豪。对我来说，李宗伟就是我非常敬佩的人物，不是因为他样貌如何，也不是因为他有多厉害，而是敬佩他为羽球付出的努力，为梦想坚持的毅力！当然我们必须对他的羽球功力大大赞赏。

我很敬佩他永不放弃的心态，就算是大家眼中的不可能，他也可以变成可能。不只在于羽球，就算是羽球以为的救灾活动他也自己下手来办，赢球的奖金也捐出去当善款。在马来西亚，我敢说，李宗伟的人气来得我国首相更旺，无人不晓李宗伟。就算在国外也好，他也大受好评！

我更佩服他，能够抵受媒体和无良球迷的批评。无论被说得再恶劣，他依然为大马人争取荣誉，一直都没打退堂鼓。又有多少人真正的了解他的羽球路程，有多少人看见了他在球场上流下的汗水，还有他那输球后默默流下的泪水？人生就是如此现实，3分努力，7分幸运，这由不得你不相信。

宗伟，
别哭！就算要哭，也是为自己的表现感到自豪而感动落泪！就算哭，也记得回头看看那成千上万在后头支持你的大马人，还有世界各地的球迷们！其实看到你哭，我也好心疼...比赛就是有输赢，你背着国人给予的厚望登上世界舞台，只要努力了就好，更不应该自责些什么...

就算一直的重复这个短片，我依然为他流泪...金银还是铜其实根本就不重要！那一面奥运银牌背后有多么心酸，有多少人真正的了解？

李爸爸，你也别哭，也应该为自己培养出来的儿子感到骄傲，那世上只有一个的李宗伟！

Translation (Ps: Mind my lousy translation=D)

Even though you didn’t manage to win the game, but this article is still dedicated to you. People grew up watching cartoons during their childhood, but I grew up watching badminton match, and I’m absolutely proud of it. Lee Chong Wei is a greatly respected person to me, it wasn’t about his appearance or his tremendous tactics on the court, I salute his great effort on badminton, and undeniably the persistence of holding on his dream every now and then. Anyhow, his magic trick on the badminton court is one of the spotlights as well.

I salute on his never-give-up spirit. Even though it seems to be impossible in everyone’s point of view, he would eventually prove that nothing is impossible with his effort. He is not only a professional badminton player but a charity donor which organise fund raising activities and even donate the prize he managed to gain in his tournaments. In Malaysia, Lee Chong Wei’s popularity could be compared to our national PM, there is no one that simply doesn’t know who is Dato’ Lee Chong Wei. Obviously, it is also the same in the other foreign countries. Lee Chong Wei is definitely a public figures which is currently being highly discussed in all the social networks and media including Facebook. It is clearly seen that more people writing up a post about Lee Chong Wei’s outstanding performance than trying to congratulate Lin Dan as the winner.

I salute on him being able to tolerate those negative judgements from the public. No matter how harsh he’s being criticized, he never gives up bringing those glory moments to Malaysian! Did you ever think of how much he has gone through in this badminton journey? Have you seen those sweats from all of his trainings? Have you ever seen him with tears as the reason of losing a match? This is life where we call realistic, 30% of hard work and 70% of luck. It is not up to you to believe it or not.

Dear Chong Wei,
Don’t cry. Even if you had to, please be proud of your own achievement. No matter what happened, please do remember to turn around as there’ll be millions and thousands of people out there trying to make you through the hard time. Watching you in tears is definitely heart stacking. There’ll always be a winner in a match, it is absolutely a hard work having all those expectation on your shoulder. Please do remember that, it is good enough with the effort and hard work you’ve done. You shouldn’t be feeling sorry to anyone.

Dear Chong Wei’s daddy,
Don’t cry too. Be proud to yourself and Chong Wei’s achievement. The things that you’ve sacrifices is definitely worth it, by giving Malaysia the Only and Wonderful ‘LEE CHONG WEI’!

人生，在这一刻

2011-06-30T23:44:00.003+08:00

想要知道，在这一刻的我，对人生，是什么看法吗？虽然我还未满20，才过了人生的4分之1，应该什么都还没见识过。但，比起同龄的人来说，我也许看得多一些。今天的我，之所以会在这里，是我坚持的选择。虽然这条路，好艰难，不过如果让我再次选择，我还是没有遗憾。我很喜欢这个地方，虽然在这21个月里，有欢喜，有悲伤，有煎熬，有庆幸，有受伤，有汗水，有眼泪。但...谢谢你们给我的欢乐，谢谢你们曾经伤害我，没有这些，就没有成长。在这个地方，我才明白原来自己曾经是如此的天真，以为对每一个人的好，都会得到相同的回报，但我忘了有样东西叫‘妒嫉’。当你拥有得比别人更多时，自然就会有如此的现象出现。我只能说，曾几何时，自己好愚蠢！现在回头看，感觉自己好像当时活在童话里。

在学业方面，从以前到现在，我依然认为无论我多努力，还是比不上哥哥和姐姐。我没有他们的努力和聪明，但对自己的要求却高得很。我只有一股拼劲，把自己逼到极点。曾经有人说，我让他的日子很压力，因为我太拼了。我好想知道，为什么我的拼劲没有激发你的努力，反而让你觉得压力，你应该是在担心自己做不到，所以才有压力吧。妈妈曾经说过，当你会在别人后头闲言闲语是，说着的其实是你自己的缺点，长大后，我也开始观察了解这个道理。

在我开始接近20岁时，我开始明白为什么大家都说不想长大。原来当你懂得更多，明白现实的残酷时，才了解原来大人的世间，好复杂。我18岁，就开始工作和读书，照顾老人家。里头的同事，就算年纪再小，也20出头，年纪大的，也许能当我奶奶。在这一份工作，我看到了现实的残酷，人类的善恶。每个人都问我，你为什么想当护士？为什么不是医术，牙科，药剂师等的？我要的并不是把他们治好或什么，而是能够在每个人最难熬的日子，能够陪伴着他们渡过。我一直都不明白，为何好人短命，坏人长寿，也许他们上半辈子是个好人，这一生，风水轮流转？我觉得护士这份工作没有大家想象的容易，无论多难熬，你都必须很坚强，有时候即使你知道有些事情是不可能了，还是必须坚持着那一份信念。

有时候，我不禁会想，老了以后，是否也会一样如此？最近看了一篇文章，关于一位护士写人们在人生的末端时最大的遗憾。有一点我很赞同，就是对于没有提起勇气去追求后遗憾的事情。故事我也听了不少，人生难免总有遗憾，才显得拥有的事情，有多美好不是吗？当中也有提到，太拼的工作，到后来才发觉，其实应该善待自己。人生就是如此的简单，自己拥有的不知足，得不到的永远是最好的。其实如果换个角度来思考，也许会过得开心点。只可惜，说得容易，要真的做到，真的很难。再坚强的人，还是会掉泪，只是在可以丢下伪装的面具时候。你相信两个携手过活的人，如果有一天分开了，也不会分开很久吗？我相信...因为我看见了很多例子。我也相信人在即将离开时是会有预感的，不由得你不相信。

这世上，没有什么永不改变的，真的没有。曾经有这么一个老人家，有这么一天对我说故事，抽根烟，数数空中飞过的飞机，开心的说他今天终于上了大号。明天，他进了院，半身瘫痪了，再也不能说话进食了，在不到两星期就离开了。当时我只觉得，人生好残酷，为什么就可以如此结束？他还有好多未完成的事情...就算是再多爱心，有时候难免还是会失去那么点耐心。

至于爱情，应该是我最失败的一块吧！从头到尾，我都是输家，永远都守不住紧握在手里的东西。但，谢谢你，陪我熬过那最艰难的日子，谢谢你带给我那么多的回忆。虽然分开的原因很无奈，该放弃的还是得放开，虽然不晓得是事实还是谎言，以后的事就顺其自然吧...我真的相信缘分，遇见你是我这一辈子不曾预想的意外，1年多后让我再次相信的人，我都不认为会是在遇见你以后。拿起和放下一样的难，即使再多的时间，伤口依然存在。另一方面，为什么在一切还没有告一段落时，你还要来当我的负担？我只能说，无论如何，我还是希望从以前到现在，什么都没变，很多事情是无法拿来比较的。

在家人这一方面，我觉得自己好任性，只为了换取自由。我需要自由，没有了自由就好比没有了空气一样。我常常赌气，因为无法接受人生的一切都必须受到干涉。但我很幸运，他们还是如此的爱我！

顺其自然？

2011-06-06T23:21:00.002+08:00

我在想，顺其自然我能够做到吗？其实，我有点气，气你好自私，气你做这个决定。但，我只能说我心软，我已经努力过坚持了，却抵受不了你的眼泪。我不晓得接下来的我，能做什么，还是一样的过着我忙碌的生活，只是有股冲劲想要离开这里。我很明白离开，只是为了逃避而已。我只是希望自己不要再去想了，最近已经瘦了好多，而且也好像快病了。

我只是知道，我好累，只想好好休息，好讨厌如此拼命工作的我！说我工作狂，是对的！对不起，你是否觉得我都走得太快，不曾停下脚步来呢？其实，我觉得自己比较象男生。

傻瓜，要坚强！

2011-06-05T23:01:00.004+08:00

无论是谁都好，我们都要坚强好吗？说得容易，但我们都哭了是吧？我不晓得该如何，就只能面对现实，告诉自己要坚强，因为以我的个性来看，至少在两年里，我是接受不了另一个人的。人们都说，射手很花心，但其实他们很执着。

大家都说，射手就象征着乐观和热爱自由。对，我爱自由，但并没有你们想像的乐观，只是无论什么事，嘴边都挂着我没事！但又有谁了解，在夜深人静的时候，我都躲到被单里偷偷哭泣，只是不想在大家面前展现那脆弱的一面。不要把我看得好坚强，我只是不停的告诉自己，即使哭得再如何是好，日子还是得过的。我可以在大家面前嘻皮笑脸，但笑在脸上，痛在心里。

我只是知道现在的我，很需要离开这里，消失个几天，为自己放个假。我不想交待些什么，只想一个人就那样人间蒸发一段时间。虽然无法现在就做到，但我答应自己，我会做到的。我也许放不开，但忙碌的生活，会对我有所帮助吧！目前的我，只想把自己的事情解决好，为未来打算。傻瓜，要坚强好吗？

当坚强用完时

2011-06-04T23:05:00.003+08:00

说真的，我不晓得我在干什么？我也不知道我怎么了？我只是知道，原来自己还是没有想象中的坚强，我还是崩溃了。我只能说，当坚强用完时，我却只想要逃避。其实，另一方面我却想弄清楚事情。对，我是个爱哭鬼，可是这回先哭的人是你。你说对不起，我也想说对不起。当时的我好平静，只是你哭了，我好心疼。也许当时的我装作坚强，但今天的我，一样哭得稀里哗啦。

我只能够说，我放不下心来，我不想放弃，但我尊重你的决定。很久很久以前，我花了四年放下我该放掉的，不久前，我花了接近2年再次相信这件事。我一直都活在过去，没有在折磨自己，但伤口一旦形成了，我必须学会保护自己。我不是在执著，但我愿意等待，你没有在浪费我的时间。我们都了解在这个时候，是什么对我们最重要。对不起，我明白你体验的压力，更不想成为另一种压力，我只是不想那么容易就放弃。

如果想忘记，也许我会坚持一个人就好。曾经的回忆，总是闪过我脑海里，我该如何是好？我没有假装坚强，只是伪装的好，但还是骗不了自己。就连上班搭巴士，却忘了按铃下车，我也不晓得，只是脑袋里闪过的全是我们的对话。我已经累得说不出话来了，更不晓得接下来的我除了工作和为未来努力，还剩下什么？

Work hard, pray hard and all I need is luck!

2011-05-26T23:13:00.003+08:00

I'm still tired after all, have been feeling kind of weird recently, can't figure out what have I done in my sleep. I answer call and wake up without any memory of doing so. Is it because I'm too tired. Anyway, don't call me when i'm sleeping, I can't recall anything when I got up, and I seriously need some sleep without disturb.

Was really busy with work, got mixed up between being a carer and doing the medication. I'm getting used to doing the medication, but it's all a rush to just finish everything within that period. More work, more responsibility. But that actually gives me an opportunity to keep practice at the moment. I think it'll be a bit hard to actually keep on track if I wasn't doing it for at least 3 months.

What wrong with people recently? Everyone is being so eager to know anything they would ever wanted to know. Have you ever think of freedom and privacy? Wanting to know is not being caring, this reason is bull shit! I don't care who you are, but leave my life alone. Don't ask why, because I hate it. For a typical saggitarius like me, trying to get involved with my personal space is equally killing me! I will eventually tell you whatever I'm willing to reveal, but please, don't ask for more.

And what's wrong with people? Stop coming after me... It is so freaking annoying! I can be really straight forward if you want me to.

There's things that I need to get through and I'm promising myself that I'll go for a holiday after this=) it doesn't matter if it's a short getaway, as long as I went away and relax for a while. Wanted to go beach, but it's so bloody cold right now! I will eventually get myself somewhere to hide=P it's time to worry on what presents to buy for my dear, this question is so hard! He doesn't seems to be in need of anything><

Work, eat and sleep@@

2011-05-19T21:33:00.002+08:00

What kind of life is this? This is really tiring. Work has become the first thing that appears in my mind when I was awaken by my alarm around 5 in the morning. Believe me, I have no appetite to eat at all. The appetite come in the middle of work when you finally know that you're doing fine at work today. By the time I get home and have a shower, all I want is just sleep. When I finally wake up at 6.30pm for dinner, you'll definitely see me sitting down and staring at my food for the next half an hour. There's nothing wrong at all, just that I'm still in snooze mode, and I'll be questioning myself and everyone on how did I get down here? I have no idea at all, that is how disorientated I am.

That is still not too bad. Sometimes when I work double shift, I'll be back for lunch but it pretty much depends on how long is the break in between. I'll be back for lunch and a short nap if it is long enough to be back. Anyway, it's gonna be really late when I got home, have shower and dinner. It's bed time again, bad luck if I'm working in the morning the next day or even double again. This is what I mean by work, eat and sleep. I've been eating pretty much, but mind me, it's never the same time. I can have my dinner around 11pm if I work in the afternoon.

I wish everyone understand how's that feel to me. So.. I'm sorry if I fall asleep when I'm talking to you. I'm sorry if I lose my temper if you can't stop grumbling on me. I'm sorry if I'm being grumpy due to the long day I had. It doesn't mean I'm alright even I didn't mention how's my day at work. It can be fun sometimes, but there are days where it's just not my day.

Yet, I'm still here. Writing and writing before bed time. It's gonna be another long day again tomorrow, gonna be a double shift. I'm so gonna disappear after things are settled. Can't wait for that! Hmm, even a 1 hour bus ride from Hosanna to Westlakes is actually kind of relaxing=) but I wanna go somewhere further=)

Needa Great Escape!

2011-05-17T23:25:00.003+08:00

Well, I've been writing a lot recently aye? Here again, I know I sounds kind of depressing. Yes to be honest, due to the mixture of tired, stress, worry and mad. And please, I don't need you to ask, I don't need you to say anything. The more you ask, the more you say, I'm getting even more grumpy. Just... Let it be=) this applies to everyone, it doesn't matter who you are.

I desperately wanted a great escape, all of this is too much for me. I need a good sleep, which I don't want anyone to disturb me at all. I wish there is nothing that would bother me and I'll just concentrate and work as I can. But as we know, there are days that just doesn't seems to go in the way that I wanted.

I'm in need of a superman. I need to go fast, as fast as I could! I have no idea what makes me so grumpy recently. But I've had enough, telling the truth was probably the wrong decision, I thought things would turn out better, but you're thinking in the opposite way. I hope that people around me are living a live without worries. It seems impossible, but at least keep yourself busy only worrying about your own problems. Don't assume when you think you're right. No matter who you are, I can't stand that. I couldn't say the truth as I know people care about me, but have you ever think about the freedom and privacy that everyone deserves?

Never say never=D

2011-05-15T21:36:00.003+08:00

Mind me, it's not Justin Bieber. But just 'Never Say Never'! Believe me, as once upon a time, I believe in what I think will and should be. But, I learnt a lesson. Just as what I've experience, a person that once I'm trying to make fun of with all kind of impossibilty became one of the most important people in my life now. I didn't say never, but I have that kind of thought that it is not gonna happen on me.

Somehow and somewhere in my life, I need to seriously relax. This kind of worried and tense life might drive me INSANE one day! No kidding. There is so much things to be settled and I have no clue on where about I should begin with. It is not that I have no one to share with what I'm thinking. But it's just not ME having to share what's bothering me. Not that I don't trust anyone, but it's just a kind of insecurity trying to reveal something. Furthermore, I absolutely hate getting comments instead of just listen and trying to support me.

Don't ask me why, I know sometimes I look depressing. I might be, but as I ever mentioned, I'm a girl that you would never understand what's in my mind. Don't try too hard to get rid of my protective cover, as you won't get anything if I have no intention to let it be. I'm undeniable the typical saggitarius, love freedom, being optimistic judging by the appearance, but in fact, I might be just pretending that it's not a big deal. You'll never know that when I'm back alone, it'll be a sleepless night.

I'm really planning to go away for a holiday. Probably on my own or I'll see how it goes. For no reason, I just need some moments to be left alone. Thinking back what had happened all these while and recharge my energy level. But I don't think it'll happen until after 13 June. The roster is already up till a month time. I don't think I could take off those shift just to disappear for a few days. Being honest, I care so much about what others said. Once is good enough to be ignore but twice is more than enough. Can I take control of my life instead? I'll seek for help when I think there's a need.

I'm giving myself a DAY-off=)

2011-05-15T09:58:00.002+08:00

Hooray=D I'm actually giving myself a day off today, was able to have a day off on Wednesday but ended up receiving call from work when I'm still sleeping soundly in my warm bed, and I have to go to work. Same as to Friday, ended up having a 4 hours orientation shift which is unpaid. But I make up my mind to change my working availability to not available instead, I supposed I deserve a day-off! I reckon I'm definitely not a superwoman! But this is unbelievable, how did I manage to get this through? I came back to Adelaide on 20 April from Wudinna, had 2 days off and started my working marathon on 23 April. This working marathon ended yesterday, which is 14 May. I did 120 hrs+ in 22 days, which is 25 shifts all together.

I know it's insane. But it wasn't bad, there is not much chances out there for you to work this much of shifts. Can't deny that I'm absolutely tired. To be particular, I'm physically and emotionally drained. I fall asleep wherever I go. But guess what? I'm coping well and getting along well with this kind of routine. The hardest time was actually getting myself out of the bed early in the morning when it is so cold! No worries, I'm all good! Just probably working too hard, I know everyone is kind of worried about me, but I'm definitely fine, I could only say that I'm tired. Otherwise, I'm all good! I looks like a little girl, but I could work harder that you could ever thought of.

Now that I'm glad that I get a chance to actually deal with giving medication, I get the same pay as a carer, but this definitely helps for me to gain some experience when I'm really working as an Enrolled Nurse. Finding it a bit hard at the beginning as every place have the different system. But I'm feeling grateful that I knew all of the resident. I need more experience and learning to work on my own.

All I need now is being hardworking and lots of luck. Sorry that I'm keeping things to myself, but I have my own reason. I will mention it when it's over, but revealing it in the wrong timing is gonna be putting so much pressure on me. To be honest, I'm finding it pretty tough to take on all of the expectation. I gotta get it off. I love writing down how I feel, but frankly speaking, I don't really like people to get involved with what's in my mind or restricting my freedom. I'm crossed, but I can't do anything, I guess I need to accept that.

I supposed I'm still a lucky girl. At least I'm really having a great time at work, you guys did a wonderful job feeding me aye! Everyone is feeding me well. I think you guys reckon I need to put on some weight. And how funny is that, I was told off by a resident as I don't want to accept her bunch of grapes and an Easter egg. You guys feed me well and often pick and send me off work. I'm feeling just like a family with all of them!

L.O.S.T

2011-05-04T20:13:00.002+08:00

LOST? Aye? Haven't heard of that from you. Well, I'm using that to describe myself at the moment. I feel lost, sort of like in the middle of nowhere?! Seriously, what am I doing now? WORK, WORK and WORK.. I couldn't deny that I wasn't tired, because I was. Try and imagine that this is my 12-day of work in a row, and it is still yet to go as I reckon. I probably screw up my normal life, now it's all about WORK, EAT and SLEEP. I must be glad that I'm not working nights.

It's kind of depressing when I said I'm kind of lost. In fact, I feel kind of sad when I finish a day of work and it started to rain when I'm waiting for bus. For whatever reason it is, there is only one thought in my mind, just let it rain, I just want to stay as where I was. I know I sound INSANE! But who cares? I just want to let it be.

Things are getting tough, and I have no idea what can I hang on to. I seems strong in my appearance, but sometimes it wasn't always as what you could see out there. It is hard to rely on something, as it won't be there forever, it's not going to work all of the time.

I don't know what am I thinking right at the moment. I thought that a lot of work could take me away from my mind, in fact, I'm tired physically and mentally. It doesn't work any way. I'm serious about the thought of wanting to go away for a while, I need to be left alone. Just ALONE. I just need somewhere quiet and relaxing. I'm trying to smile but it's tiring because I don't really feel so. I was just forcing myself to look like I'm the normal ME.

I'm just trying to work hard now, I would definitely plan and go somewhere when I had some day off. Keep going MICHELLE! You'll get there. TRY hard, CRY hard and don't PRETEND hard! Hold on to my self=)

Back to reality

2011-04-30T18:44:00.004+08:00

Well, it's really time to be back to reality, I've been back to Adelaide for 10 days but it seems like ages for me. In fact, I'm back for ten days and I've been working the previous 8 days=P I have no idea what am I doing at the moment. I'm just trying to WORK, WORK AND WORK!

I sounds like a workaholic aye?! Honestly, I think I am one. Things just seems so weird if I've got nothing to do. Working all the time was just like challenging myself up to a certain limit. I'm always in doubt regarding how far I could go by just keep working non stop.

I still miss Wudinna, miss those kind of life where you could just relax and keep going with your work.It's really funny when everyone is in doubt of what is the reason behind that I don't really feel like coming back to Adelaide. The first thing that came up to people's mind is actually, 'Did you met someone there?' Well, hell not! I don't think much will happen in 6 weeks time. I love the life at Wudinna, I miss the Hospital Ball, the Mexican Night and of course the Great Escape up the mount and way far to the coast.

I guess it's reasonable working all the time now, it's time to save some money for myself and planning for the future. I can't wait till the financial year end, it's time for tax refund again! I've work so hard and part of it goes to the tax, and now I want to get it back! How bad is that when I don't have any income during my placement and I've been spending for all the food.

Well, I've been working 8 days in a row and the marathon is still going. I have another 6 days to go for the next day off. I need to be really motivated for that. It's been really tiring but I'll have to keep going, can't give up when I'm half way through.

Time flies, I can't believe that I actually finished my Diploma and Cert 3 in one and a half year, what kind of intensive course is that? There's heaps of things happening all these while, I just really need to face the reality. I could only say, it's been great after all for having so many people with me especially the love one. I'm so sorry for being so busy all the time, but it's been really precious having everyone with me all these while. I fight to stay back as there's precious things that means a lot to me. I'm not giving up and I won't unless there's no choice.

5 shifts, 40 hours and 8 days away from Adelaide=)

2011-04-13T01:02:00.003+08:00

I've been praying hard that time will flies, and just get me through everything, take me back to where I wanted to be. And it's coming true, I have another 5 shift to go, 40 hours, and I'll be back in Adelaide in 8 days=D Geez, we've manage to finish up a 6 weeks placement only in about 5 weeks, or probably less than that. I thought things will go on smoothly, but it seems like my body doesn't want to be compliant with it.

Well, I'm having a lazy life now. Basically, I'm just having placement and sleep for the rest of the time. I've seriously been sleeping in, waking up late and even missed my dinner. I'll try to eat more, but at the moment I could still afford losing a few kilos as I've gain probably 2-3 kilos here. I'm trying to eat more but I just lost my appetite.

Oh hey! It's gonna be the 14th April soon. That is the first day that I'm in Wudinna. Other than that, it still means heaps a lot to me=) Time flies, up till now I still can't believe what just happened! Life is not easy, but we need faith to go on. I'm gaining it step by step, and I hope that I'm not wrong this time.

I think it wasn't too bad trying to settling in a new place, but right at the moment, I miss Adelaide a lot. I love Adelaide. It's not that I don't miss home, I miss home as I miss the people and especially my family. But Adelaide is certainly a great place to live on. I currently have great friends, great workplace, great colleagues and important people with me here. One of my big wish was actually trying to get my family here, I hope that they would love it too=D

Thought of the nocte~

2011-04-09T21:40:00.002+08:00

It seems like a lot of thought just came up to my mind right before bed time. And right now, I'm holding my phone and trying to type out what it is all about. At some point, I thought that things would remain the same as they always do. But apparently, this ain't a fairy tale.No one would remain static at the same point, somehow life would have to go on no matter what. I have no idea what it is sticking in my mind now, but it absolutely has been haunting me badly.

The only thing that I knew was that I feel like a crap at the moment. Which I seriously need someone to be here with me. And all of that impossible make things hard. Once upon a time, I always think that there would only be people walking away from me in my life, and I'll be staying there figuring out why. And right at the moment, I'm thinking if it would be me someday. Nothing is impossible, things often comes true if it is on your mind. I wonder why did that came up on my mind as I am not someone that would simply give up something and be the one who turn around and walk away just like that.

There is a saying that, don't make a decision when you are truly mad, because it often turns out to be a regret. In my case, I guess it should be never make a decision when I'm tired or feeling down, as I don't even understand how does all this insane thought came up. Time flies! The most important thing is, I hate staying in the same place as no one would ever wait for you. There are moments where you think why did people wanted to give up after holding on for so long. And bare in mind, what makes you holding on for so long? Does it worth giving up after that much of effort?

You might think that what do I actually understand about life? I might be a lil' kids in your sight, but I've seen and gain a lot from some of my experience. Which I think sometimes I sound like a philosopher rather than a nurse. Whatever it is, I feel funny, and I seems insane tonight. I don't wanna walk away, but I feel really bad right at the moment. I wish you could understand that.

I hold it, coz I don't wanna lose it..

2011-04-04T23:59:00.002+08:00

I'm tired, really tiring after all. I've been in this place for 3 weeks. It wasn't very long though.. But time flies, it's hard to get through but it seems to go faster than we thought! And right at the moment, I'm feeling kind of weird. I'm not only tired physically but mentally and emotionally.

I guess I'm tired physically at the moment as I haven't been sleeping well for the past few nights. But in mentally and emotionally, I guess I've been worrying too much on the upcoming things. Which I think I should have some advance planning, I wanted to have things in place and stop worrying about it.

You probably won't understand how important is some of the things that I'm holding on now. Which I don't want to and can't afford to lose it. What can I say and how should I explain that? Everything comes to me at once, I've got everything I want but it's not going to stay there forever. I need to work extremely hard to get there. I wonder how many of you actually saw the moments where I struggle on my own. Which I eventually still thinks that I'm not working hard enough yet. You might think that I'm insane! I agree with that. I think I'm insane to a certain point where I couldn't believe I could do 3 night shifts in a row with classes during the day.

I studied hard, work hard no matter in job or assignment just to give it the best I could. It's all because I want to leave no regrets. I wish there is someone who will tell me, don't worry you'll be fine, nothing will change, you won't lose anything.

I love this place, I love this work and there's people that means a lot to me. Nothing seems to be perfect, so what should I do?

Wudinna~ A place where you could find the simplest form of happiness=D

2011-04-03T21:17:00.008+08:00

Hey, I'm currently in Wudinna, well... In fact, I'm here for nearly 3 weeks already. I guess we settled down quite well, and picking up the routine as time goes by! Hmm, can't deny that I miss Adelaide, but I had heaps of fun in this new place. I'm so sorry that it takes so long to update you guys. Wudinna is a really small town which has about 500+ of population but they're extremely nice! They made us a foreigner felt the warmth of being home. I wanted to go back to Adelaide in the first place, but I fell in love with this place. It is quiet, peaceful and as I said, you could find the simplest form of happiness here=) I guess I'll love the work here, no time frame and enjoying the time with the residents by providing a proper care. The residents were lovely too. Eventhough there is not much happening stuff in this small town, but there's is some interesting case too=) Since it's a quiet place, I guess both me and Debrah spend most of our time in the kitchen other than hospital, on the bed and on the phone. We're feeding ourself fairly good at the moment, we can see signs of putting on weight already. We can't believe that we were actually invited to attend the hospital fundraising ball. We didn't want to attend that at first as we have got no proper clothes. We didn't expect to attend such a function during our placement. But we ended up having nurses trying to organise dress and shoes for us so that we'll look good at the ball=D How sweet is that! I felt that I looks like a red walking lantern, but everyone else think I looks great on the ball=) Thanks guys! Thanks Pauline for the lovely dress. I had lots of fun at the ball. It's time to DE-STRESS... and that helps a lot! The ball was AWESOME! It is totally different from what I've experience before. I could see how they held an auction to raise fund for the hospital. Everything went well, but I'm totally scared by a stranger who came up sitting beside me and started to talk which he eventually wanted to invite me for a dance. I wish someone could save me, but my dear friend sitting beside me were falling asleep. It's our day off... We've been wanting to have a great jump on the jumping pillow just 2-3 minutes away from the hospital. It's real fun! It's an easy day where we could lay back, have late lunch and sitting in the living room watching TV. It's gonna be another new week again tommorow onwards. The weather is getting cold and I didn't even think about bringing along some winter clothes with me. I guess at this stage I could only rely on blankets and heater.

Nothing much happening this week. It's just another week of placement, manage to see some lumps and bumps which is really interesting. I guess I spent most of my time on skype and over the phone. Phone and internet is the only way to use when you miss someone. Somehow I wish I could stand on my own, the feeling of having to rely on the others make me insecure. At some point, you'll have to realize that there might not be someone there for you when you need them. And that makes you feel awful!

Just figure out I started to draw when I miss someone... I guess I need to get myself a sketch pad=D I had a great talk with a patient in the hospital the other day, having lots of fun when he's trying to tease me. That's actually the greatest and the part that I love the most taking care of an elderly. Laughter is important, and life is too short to be worried about. I learnt a lot from you, thanks for those interesting stories which makes me laugh. I wish you could get well soon and keep going=)

How I wish

2011-03-07T19:11:00.008+08:00

Okay, I'm not trying to EMO, but I guess it's due to hormonal changes. I just felt kind of weird, couldn't really put that in words. Am I tired? Yes indeed... Finished off 10 case study and a learning guide in a week time, I guess I haven't been sleeping for nights. For goodness sake, my day and nights are once again upside down.

It's such a relieve to finished that off, but I've never really got a chance to lay back for a while. I'll be working 3 night shifts in a row from Tues to Thurs. After all, I've got class from Wed to Fri, it means no sleep for me at all. I'll see how it goes, probably would drop one of the day. I'll have another shift on Sunday morning, that would be my last shift before getting off for placement.

Whatever it is, I just feel really weird now. I'm probably coping to the feeling of being so relieve out of a sudden, but it's not the end yet. There's still another research topic to deal, gotta produce a proposal for research.

Hey there, I've got another member in my teddy family again=) Isn't that adorable?! Honestly, I felt so heart stacking to actually eat that love shape chocolate on the teddy. I guess I'll keep it=) After so much consideration, I'll probably bring him and Zac together with me during placement. I've been wanting to bring Gulliver as that is my favourite but it doesn't seems to be able to fit in my luggage. Anyway, gotta give this new teddy a name=P I've have him and Zac with me at Wudinna.

Hahaha... You might think that I'm extremely childish! Yes, I got to admit that=) I can be really childish but I'm always serious dealing with matter. I watched Gnomeo and Juliet with Jasmine on Saturday night. O-M-Geeee... It was AWESOME! Gnomes are so adorable and it is just different from the original storyline of Romeo and Juliet. It is freaking funny when William Shakespears appear in the storyline. It is a happyily-ever-after ending which is really sweet! But as we know, that would never appear in real life. I always know that life ain't a fairy tale.

I can't believe that I'm leaving in a week time. Seriously, I'm not prepared to leave Adelaide for 6 weeks yet. I might miss a lot of things in Adelaide. And I know that this 6 weeks is gonna be a tough time. No matter what it is, I'll need to have faith in myself and others. Hopefully this 6 weeks will go through really quick.

It'a never too late but the road is yet to go...

2011-03-01T18:48:00.003+08:00

I'm stressed out, everything just come all in once. They either never come or just come all together. After all, it's just about the same, study, work, assignment, test, placement and relationship. I only have 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. That might have to be divided among all of the above. I don't seems to have much time left for sleep and my own aye?!

Getting through the audit was really a great relieve! I'm glad I made it, and seriously... my vaso vagal nerve is killing me... Felt like puking and going to the toilet at the same time. Loss my appetite for that whole day=(

Can't believe that time flies! Just 2 more topics to go and I'll be going for the last placement. Hey people, I'm leaving in 2 weeks!! I feel anxious, excited, nervous, scared and heavy hearted. I didn't expect to leave Adelaide for 6 weeks for the acute care placement. The most important thing is, I HATE travelling on bus for so long, 8 hours is no kidding man!! To and from takes up one of my day=(

There is nothing really bad actually, it's just that schedule are packed and I'm tired. I'm doing good here, hoping to have more time to do my work and spending it with the precious one. I guess I'm really lucky to have all of the loved ones with me. There's bad part too, I know it's human nature that wanting to know and talks about whatever they saw. But being fair enough, mind your own business and clear up your own mess instead of being too caring to the others. Look at yourself, you might not care what people judge on you, but be shame on it though. What you're trying to judge on people actually reflects back on yourself.

I'm happy with things now, it wasn't the end yet but I guess I've made a right decision for setting such goal. Things seems to be easier if you're not alone and life gets better too=) I understand that there's nothing that would be the same all the time, but I'll try my best to keep it up with effort.

Lovely Reunion Dinner=)

2011-02-02T23:05:00.009+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year=) It's bunny year! Just gonna wish you guys a prosperous Chinese New Year, stay healthy and wealthy, laugh to the blast and live to the fullest=D

Honestly, I wasn't really that looking forward for this Chinese New Year as I thought it would be. It was bad last year, trying to call home but there is simply no one that would really spent some time talking on the phone with me. Sad aye=( It's just a new year that I'm moulding in the room.

I thought it was gonna be the same for this year, I was kind of homesick before this. But it's great this year. Had a reunion dinner with D12 family at Chinatown spending AUD455 for the 12 of us. It's worth it, we had lots of fun and trying to have our own CNY in Adelaide. Saw some lion dance and I just feel good=) It's hard to get exactly what we got back at home, but with effort we had an AWESOME one as well!

Let the photos do the talking=D
With my dearest Debrah<3<3> With Chong Kiat( Deb's ah pa XD)

With Qun Qun=P

With Sherwine

With Betty

With Chua Chua=.=!!

With Kong..

With Marianne

With Caroline(Da Jie=D)

With Grandma GeraldineXD

D12 Family+ Marianne+Ryan

All girls=)

I'm glad I had this D12 family, not a big family, but a great one! And it will always be the best! All the best in our coming TAFE audit and Acute Care Placement=) We can do it!! Time flies, we've been spending a year time together, with all the laughter and memorable momentXD

Live life to full=)

2011-01-04T23:58:00.003+08:00

What makes me say so? I've been wandering about that as well. I guess it's probably due to some articles and readings. It's not too late to actually realise the needing of living life to the fullest. By looking through, it's not only about enjoying life. The underlying meaning includes striking the best in achieving dream, maintaining body health, slow down the pace of life and appropriate time frame for relaxation.

It is true that I've been pushing myself too hard for the past 18 years. Life is short. I love the immortal lines by William Henry Davies-- What is this life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare. It explained the purpose of life. There is no meaning living a life without appreciating the outstanding scenery. Believe me or not? When you feel down, tilt your head backwards and look up on the sky. You'll figure out the best scene that could eventually cheer you up!

I'm not trying to be emotional, but this is simply what I want to express. This is a crucial year for me to work hard. No kidding! I'm not trying to push myself harder, but I should grasp every opportunity that could lead me to another stage of life. I reckon it's time to stop grumbling that I'm really tired, I should have get used to the lifestyle. Even though 3 weeks is incredibly short, but that is better than none. This is a year that I have to be disciplined and managing my finances with full care. Social life is tempting but I have to be determined by not affecting my study and work. Laziness is UNACCEPTABLE at all!

I'm not a perfectionist, but it's too hard to feeling repent after all. I believe with determination, nothing is insurmountable=) Aza Aza Fighting!!!

Reflection of 2010, Goals for 2011=)

2010-12-31T00:46:00.006+08:00

Reflection of 2010,

From the onset of summer class, joining of D12 & 13, and there it starts my life of taking Diploma of Nursing. I know it's a no turning choice which I made by myself. Even though life is hard, I have to go on, to leave no regrets by deciding my own path. I won't give up, because I'm determine to reach what I want.

From sending every resume, receiving no replies and till the day that I received call for interview. I consider myself as lucky! Everyone stands an equal chance and all just depends on your resume and first impression. Receiving contract of employment and having hard time coping with new environment, and up till today being the baby girl in workplace which everyone being really good to me. Thanks a lot for everyone in The Bentleigh, and thank god for giving all of these to me.

It's really good being able to afford my own living and rewarding myself a trip to Melbourne. Once upon a time, I never thought I would be able to make it up to this point. The trip to Melbourne is such a great trip for me to release all the stress that's been building up over the year. I couldn't get home but at least I could get away from study and work for just a few days.

The life after that is all about assignment and work which really drives me crazy. I admit I'm such a workaholic, I never let go a single chance of being able to work hard. Somehow I always think that there's part of me that was insane. I'm glad that I reach one of my goal of never ever having to delay my work. I can sacrifice my sleeping time to finish off all of my assignment even though I knew extension of due date is acceptable. I can't tolerate with myself for being lazy. This is what I want and there isn't any single chance that I would like to let myself down. Everyone keeps telling me, RELAX! A rubber band will tear apart if too much force is exerted on it.

The life after that is all about the crucial moment of 160 hours aged care placement. Placement is the great timing to gain knowledge and experience and it's the moment which I suffer the most. I have placement during weekdays and work during weekend. Being a student is hard especially when your luck doesn't go the way it suppose to be. It's a hard time and the moment which I become really emotional. I have the passion of being a nurse but I tend to built up relationship with the residents once I get along with them. The hardest part of this job is actually seeing someone you've been taking care of suffering and struggling from death. Nothing in the scope of your work is expectable. There's pros and cons by making your work interesting but full of 'surprises'!!

Dear Harrold,

It's been only few weeks of knowing you but your character and personality leave me a good impression. It's going to be a good memory for me talking to you when giving medication and taking you out for a cigarette. I still remember how excited you are trying to tell me a good news, and those moment when we're counting airplanes up in the sky when you're smoking. I love the way when you just don't want to take up our time but we really worried about you.

Ps:Rest in peace and you'll always be one of the most special person I've taken care of.

There's joy and tears in this 160 hours placement. I'm glad that I could get through that with positive feedback. I turned 19 on the 15th December 2010. Honestly, I've been wanting to celebrate my birthday at home. But I had the greatest birthday ever in my life. I received 130++ birthday wishes on facebook, birthday wishes through sms and phone calls from Malaysia. I received birthday wishes and presents from colleagues, course mate and etc. I still work on my birthday and feels great receiving heaps of wishes when I'm working even from the site manager. I had a great dinner with colleagues with all kind of nice dishes. I went for clubbing for the first ever time in my life. Even though 15December is over, but I still receive belated birthday wishes and presents until now. It's finally time to go HOME after 15 months. I wonder how did I make through all of the homesick moment when I'm really down. I've probably used few boxes of tissues and wetting my pillow and hugging my teddy over the night. I've been keeping myself single again over the year after the previous relationship. I feel sorry for all the rejection that I've made, I never really try to open up a space by accepting someone in this year. But Hey! I'm really back at home, no kidding... and it's real!

As a conclusion, I'm grateful for meeting so many great people in my life trying to guide me and get me through those hard time. There's still so much obstacles to go through and uncountable goals to achieve. Heaps of improvement on myself and overall, it's an AWESOME Year of 2010!

Goals for 2011=)

-Be more hardworking, never try to be lazy

-Stay healthy

-Must get IELTS 7 to register with the Nursing Board

-Appreciate everyone in my life especially my lovely family and people who love me

-Work hard but give myself some moment to de-stress

-Start my savings and plan ahead for my degree studies

-Open up a space for someone special which I could rely on

-Never give up under any circumstances

-Laugh till the blast and live everyday to full

-Be grateful on what I have and own

累人

2010-12-28T01:43:00.002+08:00

对，我是回来了，那又如何？其实，有些事情还是没有任何变化。不晓得怎么说，拉拉扯扯的未知数，对我来说，只是一个负担。我想说，可以不要再拉扯，过彼此心里想要的吗？不要犹豫，不要害怕，就那么一次。除了以微笑待人，我应该还如何？与其继续现在这样，不如让我好过一点。

我可以坚强，但我也有脆弱的时候，我和普通女生没有分别，即使你认为自己有多了解我，其实也不过是如此。

人类可以很现实，现实得残酷。可是我无法如你一般的现实。我明白人生很残酷，我看的也许无法与经验老道的人比较，但至少，跟我年龄相同的比起，我明白人生和珍惜该如何运用。就因为我知道人生很残酷，所以没有必要过得很现实。其实最重要的还是很努力的过好每一天，没有遗憾，没有叹息。我们总是说，明天和意外究竟谁会先到来。

如果你能够亲自站旁观者的位置目睹一个人无法逃出鬼门关，从好好的今天，到失去所有的明天，一直到无法再撑下去的一天，你就会明白为什么人生不应该是现实的。其实最重要的，是懂得如何珍惜。

其实我一直在想自己是否适合这份工作？我可以拥有无比的胆量，但却如此的情绪化，对我来说，人与人彼此建立的感情，是最珍贵的。我害怕生命的脆弱，我很念旧，我很容易感动。但...我没有把它当一份工作，却只是我人生经历。从老人家身上学习到的，绝对在书本上看不到的。自己用心体验的，是用语言也无法表达的经历，但却让你成长。

Back in KK=)

2010-12-25T16:24:00.003+08:00

I'm back in KK at last... but, Geez... Why is KK so hot? It's even hotter when it rains. I just feel like I could barely survive>< I guess it's probably too long since I left this place, I'm trying to get used to the people, places and weather. It's great to be home, but it wasn't like what I've expected.

I'm back for like 5 days, and what I've been wanting is just sleep! I'm just feeling so tired after all, no matter how much I sleep, I just wanna sleep. Guess I'm turning into a pig soon. OMG! I gotta lose weight as well, I've been gaining so much when I'm in Australia.

Hehe... and I cut my hair! It's like back to original again, but i dye it with different colour this time. It's not very obvious but only when under light.

Hey, Merry Christmas aye=) Surprisingly, I miss Adelaide! I guess I'm used to the life there.. Anyway, I'll just enjoy my holiday here and take as much rest as possible. I know there won't be time for resting when I'm back, it's gonna be time to work hard again.

Will be back soon=)

2010-12-19T01:11:00.003+08:00

Yeah! I'm currently at Perth International Airport, trying to make through another 5 hours as my flight is 6.35am and it's only like 1.13am now. Only sleep for an hour or so yesterday as I was busy with packing and worrying about my overweight luggage!

I guess I'm probably having a little bit of jet lag eventhough there's only like 2 and a half hours difference from Adelaide. It's kinda weird, I had breakfast in Adelaide airport but when I reach Perth it's only about 8 something. So we had another breakfast again><

Perth seems kinda bored for me, I still love Adelaide eventhough it's quiet and peaceful. One thing that I hate the most is the weather, it is so damn hot in Perth. I'm still wondering if i could survive in Malaysia in that kind of tropical weather. Adelaide has been cool! It's summer now but the average temperature won't normally go up to 25 degree celcius. It just feels like spring instead of Summer=D

OMG! I just can't believe that I'm going back=) I'm so excited but yet now I hate getting on a plane. I might have to spend like 6 and a half hour sitting on my bottom later. And i just spend 3 and a half hour sitting on my bottom from Adelaide to Perth this morning. I'm tired now as well, gotta spend so much time awake! Hopefully i can sleep for the 6 and a half hour later=D

I'm looking forward to meet lots of people when i get back=)

"Greatz"?!!

2010-11-18T18:14:00.004+08:00

Whatever it is! But greatz! I'm pissed off.. Like never ever before, I didn't show that I'm mad doesn't means that things can go on. I'll get angry too! Once is okay, twice is alright, three times could still be tolerate. But not if it goes on and on and on. There's lots of things that I don't care, but mind your words, think about how would you feel, it's easy to say but are you sure that you're gonna react in the same way if the same thing happenend to you?

Okay... It's about 14 months... I've tried my best not to even get mad like I used to be at home. I cried like crazy because I could only put in on myself, and it's all keeping there. All of those frustration and hard time that i never speak up. It's not because I don't mind. But stop thinking that because I don't mind then it's okay to take advantage on me.

I feel so bad when I finally can't stand it anymore. I didn't mean to burst it out. I'm so sorry. After all I could only hold it back and keep it to myself. I still couldn't get through myself, I still couldn't speak out what is it like for me. I still couldn't cry as I needed a shoulder in front of a person.

I'm okay as always. Just gonna switch off the light, tuck myself in the blanket and hug my teddy tight again.

1st Day of Aged Care Placement

2010-11-15T18:20:00.004+08:00

It's the first day of Diploma aged care placement, and I'm back again to Ananda. To the same place, to the same wing. But there's surely things that was different, there's only about 5 resident that was still remaining in the same wing, I guess the rest was being transferred and R.I.P.

How should I say how is it like for this placement? I'll probably discuss it further more in the coming days, I've still got 19 days to go. For the first day, I'm just getting used to the medication round and route of administration drug. I'm glad that I get to do some obs like BP, BGL and SpO2. Somehow, I actually do prefer to work with someone which have more experience.

OMG! It's only the first day of placement, but I'm feeling so tired. Now I'm wondering that is working on the weekend a good choice? I would probably be really exhausted by the time when everything is finish. It's such a torture when I have to wake up 5 something in the morning when I'm so tired. It's okay anyway, that's what we call life. All I wanted to do when I'm back from placement is just sleep, hardly have any energy to do anything. Anyway, I just wanna learn as much as possible and have fun for the placement.Fingers crossed that everyday is gonna be better.

很多人都在不停的问我，为什么不要交男朋友？再不然就总是不相信我没有男朋友。其实就算要解释我也说了很多遍，也没有必要再去强调了。也有人说，身边那么多人，为什么你就没有考虑接受他们，要求别放得太高。其实我没有任何的要求，只有适不适合。其实应该说很久前，我就开始把人距以千里之外，也许害怕了吧，就只想过好自己的生活。对不起，也许你一直想努力的走到我的生活里，可是一直就只是站在门前进不来。

我总在说，日子很忙碌，我没有时间谈这些。老实说，是不是借口我也不晓得。对，我的确是忙，可是也许也有逃避的成分存在。我只是知道，我什么都不想去在意，只能够把顺其自然挂在嘴边。也许有天吧，我会找到不再逃避的理由，会找到一个值得我的珍惜的人。

A relieve.. but NOT yet..

2010-11-12T11:58:00.005+08:00

Yeap, It's such a relieve to finish my Mental Health assignments in a week time. I wonder how many hours did I slept for these few days after working a night shift and staying late for assignment every night. I'm worn out and exhausted, I really was. I was stressed up and wanted to talk to someone, but somehow it's always the wrong timing, everyone was so busy and stressed up with exam too=(

It's alright, I'll be telling you I'm okay, but I doubt about the fact. There it go when I rely so much on my teddy again, I just need to hug you tight.

It's a great relieve for not having anything bothering me, I can look forward for placement and continue with my working with no worries. I'll try my best, make myself busy so that my brain is fully occupied. I'm really nearly there, just about 35 days to go. Sounds great aye?=D

I seems to be letting go pretty good, at least I think it's good for me. Living my own life is what I want after all. Did I changed after being here? Yeah, I think I'm more mature with thinking and realise how realistic is people in the society. Honestly, I hate it. I wish I could live in a fairy tale with no devil around. No one is perfect, perfect is simply just imperfection. Think about how perfect you are before trying to pick on others weakness. Don't be so picky as people will be picking on you too=D

I'm looking forward to go home. After all, don't freak out on my changes. I'll still look like little girl but I've grown up with all the tears. People says that you're never gonna be alone, but believe me, somehow or sometime in our life, we are alone. It just depends how do you look at it.

Just live to the full, cry to the hardest and laugh to the blast. Live everyday as it's gonna be the last day, no one knows whether tomorrow or accident come first.

Once again, I wonder

2010-11-05T21:17:00.005+08:00

Hmm, I came to this point and started to wonder again. I get a bit unhappy and angry with it. Maybe deep inside my heart, I care about it. But something come across my mind, if you don't care, I won't give a damn thing from now on. Maybe, that thought won't last long, as I changed my mind most of the time on these things.

But I did it for the first time, I didn't want to do anything about it. I just wanna see how is it like for you? For everything I did, being honest, I don't have an obligation to do so. I do it because I care, I thought I'll get back what I deserve, but it doesn't seems to work like this. Appreciate it if you mean it. Stop being grandiose, you might be nothing to someone. Somehow, I might be wrong, I don't mind to accept that.

Okay?! What's wrong with me now? I've never thought that this way of thinking will appear now, but I guess that after watching Charlie St. Cloud, this should be implement here. Live, Love and Let go.

Worth it or not? Let the time decide, I'll just wait until I figure out what is it all about. Did I changed? Or I'm beaten by your realistic thought? I'm not realistic at all, I still want to believe in fairy tale. I work hard for what I want, and I think in the way of needing to accept the reality due to life, not because of being realistic.

Officially NOVEMBER!!

2010-11-01T18:17:00.003+08:00

Seriously, should I be happy or sad? I'm going home soon, but I'm gonna have my placement real soon, in just 2 weeks time. I'm stressed out now, SERIOUSLY!!

Now I started to wonder myself, what's the matter with me? Okay! I have class the whole day on Thursday,did a night shift after that, have class for whole day on Friday, attend a friend's birthday party, off to work again at night, slept for the whole afternoon after back from work, off to work on Saturday night again. I know... I messed up my life. I slept like 3 hours in two days time. Now, I got this weird sleeping pattern. I'll be alright, went for gym this afternoon, hopefully I'm tired enough to sleep early tonight, I'm off to work again tomorrow morning.

Somehow, I'm just kind of in love with night shift. Night shift seems good for me. No rush and seems peaceful. I don't find any problems with it, I'm alright to stay awake throughout the night. I know it's kind of creepy, and it can be bad too sometimes. I know it's not good for health having those messed up sleeping pattern.

Thinking of work, I'm just worried and stressed out. I'm afraid that I couldn't finish off on time. I'm only there for 3-4 days in a week. I'm doing morning, afternoon and night shifts.. Kind of like a mixture. It's really hard to figure out how things really work in every shift. People come and go, routine changes and updated. There is just so much things to take up.

Somehow, I have study and assignments to catch up as well. You just don't feel like dealing with it especially after work, all I know is I'm damn tired. The only thing I could do to deal with heavy assignments was just stay up the whole night, no matter what, I have to finish it!

I'm currently up to the topic about Mental Health. It's an interesting topic, but it's not my cup of tea. The more I get to know about Mental Health, I get to suspect that I have those mental problems. Despite, it makes me think that everyone have mental problems. Just that we're just mild, not that serious to be concern.

Until now... There's still things that I can't figure out. Anyway, I shouldn't care that much, let it be right? But I wonder why, when I don't wanna care, it comes to me. When I care about it soooo much, I couldn't even figure out what. Is it like a games?

I know, I have to be strong, need to hang on there, I'm nearly there right? =)

怎么了？

2010-10-25T20:54:00.003+08:00

我还真的不晓得自己最近怎么了？压力吧...课业有压力，工作更有压力，还有自己解决不了的问题，我觉得自己快发疯了！

也许我不曾发现，在某些方面，我像是个完美主义者。我很努力的想要做好每一件事，可是我并不完美。即使受了委屈我又能如何，我并没有想要回应的打算。我只有一个请求，不要再增加我的负担，不要再增加我的压力，让我有个依靠，好吗？

微笑不代表我真的很开心，有时候想掩饰真正的自己，也不想影响别人的情绪。我不晓得反驳，因为要比吵架，我不可能会赢。今天工作后，我真的超想哭，可是我不能让眼泪流下，要坚强不是吗？有时候，处处为人着想，站在别人的观点上思考，那我自己呢？我忘了我自己。我对着大家笑得灿烂，可是我没有笑给自己看。

果然我还是忍不住了。哥，我好想念你，你还是和以前一样那么的幽默，总是逗我笑。但这回我哭了，因为你说很久没有抱我了，就算要倒下，也要等到回家才行，因为你会替我人工呼吸！加上今天工作的压力，和一切的一切，我竟然哭得稀里哗啦...就像个小孩一样！你说，两个月很短，我相信你，会坚持走下去！

My Family=)

2010-10-24T18:06:00.008+08:00

Guess what? They are my family in Adelaide. Well, I bought 2 of them here, 2 in Melbourne and one of the panda was given by my sister. When I feel down, I hug them tight. There is a saying that, when everything else fails, hug you teddy. A teddy will always care, no matter what. At least it works for me, I hug my teddy when I feel like crying. Sorry for wetting you guys, but I love you all=)

I know I might be childish, I do believe in fairytale. I named all of them and each of them represent a character in my family. The biggest teddy which apparently look darker is my dad(Gullivan), the one beside was my mom(Little Chu Chu), the panda was my sister (Tarepanda), the little on in the middle is me (Zac) and the one beside me is my brother (Winter Bear).

You can laugh as you like, I'm kind of like a little children aye? Hehe... They sleep with me everyday, unless I'm working night shift, I'm so gonna miss them! I always hug the big teddy (Daddy) when I sleep or talking on the phone. Hmm... Someone might wonder how does the teddy look like? Here a photo=)

Hmm, it's Spring now! The weather is getting warmer and seems great for me. But... Sometimes it's kind of too hot. I'm feeling suffocated and sweat like a pig during work. Well, the cherry blossom season was over, and here's the blooming cheery blossom. This is where I live, isn't that lovely? The sun strike and the cherry blossom was blooming gracefully!

There isn't much things happening around recently. Maybe yea, but I don't remember for the moment. It's about 3 weeks to go for my first aged care placement. I'm still wondering where am I gonna have my placement. That is not the most exciting part, it is... Just about less than 2 months to go, and I'm gonna be home! *Hooray!!!*

I'm looking forward for everything now. I'm gonna be busy next week onwards, I've got 3 nighshift in a row and a friend birthday to attend. My colleagues is planning for a day to hang out together. It's gonna be fun, eventhough I have quite a lot of age difference with them, but that's aright. OMG! I'm really looking forward for the first social outing for The Bentleigh! It's a must to join! That's probably my first ever social function here, and not with friends, with all of my colleagues. I have no idea how is the social function here.

I'm having my placement on that period but I might be able to make good use of my time and fit everything in. Just less than 2 months time for my first ever trip to home. I've been pushing hard all the way, the remaining 2 months will be the same. I'm not gonna lay back, I'm so gonna keep going. Well, I'm gonna grumble that I'm tired, but no worries, I'll be alright after spurting out my tiredness.

Cheers guys=)

♥Charlie St. Cloud♥

2010-10-19T20:47:00.003+08:00

I watched Charlie St. Cloud just now, one word to described, 'AWESOME'!! It's really worth watching. For those who thinks that you're probably lost somewhere in your life, watch this. You'll figure what things means in your life. I'm not after Zac Efron after all, so that's not the main point that I'm eyeing on this movie. Yeah right, he's good looking but that's not the main point in this movie. I saw the trailer when I watched 'Going the Distance' last time.

Well, it was so damn touching. It's about the value of relationship between brothers and your love one. It was about live, love and let go. When we live on we get involved with love, when dealing with love, there's time that we actually have to let go. Let go, because we need to go on. If you're given the second chance of live, it really means something. I cried like crazy in the cinema.

Maybe I've really seen how precious life is when dealing with death at work. Part of the reason that I would actually love being a nurse was being able to deal with people's life experience and learn from them. Everyone single one of them have their stories and it's really interesting. After all, it still depends on how do you look at things. Put your heart in there and you might be able to discover something.

I wonder why, but I've been writing a lot recently. I have no idea where to splash out all those thoughts in my mind. The only way was just write in down.

At some point, I really do understand that there's things that I need to let go. It's not that I can't make it. But, there's things that was not sure. Do I really know what I want? It's gonna take some time. Stop playing around, stop coming to me when I'm at the edge of making it through, be honest to yourself, make things clear please. There's a lot of things that I actually don't mind but it really doesn't mean I don't care.

I would actually love to watch Charlie St. Cloud again=)

Exactly 2 months time=)

2010-10-18T18:37:00.003+08:00

Oh yeah *claps*... It's exactly 2 months time to go, and I'll be back at home! It's not I wanted to go home, but desperately!! I guess lots people was gonna turn crazy if they're not back home for more than a year. I'm not crazy yet, but I get kinda homesick and feels exhausted. There's no way for me to kind of like relax if I'm here, I couldn't figure out, but I'm pushing myself real hard here.

Work was kind of stress recently. There's lots of 'happening' things which changes the atmosphere of the working place. I'm worried that I couldn't finish on time, as I'm hopping all around recently, with all the residents that I've never did before. I'm glad that everything turn out to be fine, but I'm feeling so tired. My back and muscles was achingly pain, I guess I hurt myself during work. Geezz... Why are the old people so heavy? Or I'm a little tiny baby?

Oh! My soul's gone somewhere. Haha... Imagining all the happening and wonderful time I'm gonna have in 2 months time. Well, I GOTTA get through the placement first! I wonder where I'm gonna end up, just pray hard it's not gonna be where I don't want to.

I'm trying to make myself not to think so much recently. I'm tired, I just wanna sleep, I'm busy and that's it. I'm kind of mad on something, you know what? I don't hate you, not at all, but for your goodness sake, I don't give a damn thing on you, instead... You're the one who make things hard. Or did you really want me to tell you the truth? I don't care what do you wanna do, but don't be childish. Maybe I'm blind sometime before this, but I thought at some point we've spoken it clear enough.

And for some other reason, I'm mad too... I'm sorry for not being there on time my friend. Like what I said, put your feet in others shoes before pointing your fingers everywhere. You're smart all the time but not this time. Dig a hole to protect your precious but you're trap in there too. Sit back and think carefully before trying to compare a friend that you knew over a year and another which you knew just a few months ago. Sorry means nothing my dear! Be sincere if you really wanna apologize. Yea, that's right. Apology can be accepted but the harm being caused couldn't be neglected. Do you seriously think it's worth doing that, I'm sorry to say that you're stubborn instead of genius this time. Well, that might be your own value of life and I'm not gonna judge it according to my point of view.

Alright! I need to stop with that! Otherwise my anger would never stop! Hmm... I'm working tomorrow, hope everything's gonna be fine=) I'm gonna watch 'Charlie St. Cloud' after work tomorrow! I'm being good to myself recently, work hard, study hard and big treat for myself!

Anyway, OMG! Congrats to LCW, KKK/TBH, KKK/CEH and WMC! You guys did well hey! I can't believe I watch it live online... I used up a big amount of my internet data, but that's alright, I'm happy! It was tremendous to see KKK/TBH in action, you guys are so dramatic mann! I love those action and funny facial expression, it's AWESOME! Eventhough WMC only manage to get a silver medal, but cheer up girl, we know you did well! You tried your best! Hmm... I'm really curious about the happy ending of the relationship between LCW and WMC! Is it true? By the way, I always thought the breakup was some kind of distraction so people won't concentrate on the relationship instead of badminton. After all, I still think they are perfect match, lovely couple=) All the best yeah! I'm looking forward for the coming Asian Games! It seems a bit hard as the host country was China, they might have the advantage of being a host country.

Life as we know

2010-10-15T22:34:00.004+08:00

I have no idea what do I really want to write here. The only thing I know is things are loading up my brain capacity. I've been thinking a lot on questions that I would never and ever figure out on my own. Yes, I care! But do you?

Don't ask me what it is if you know me well. Life is complicated as we know, after all, it's just like a hide and seek. You'll never get what you want when you desperately want to find it out, it will come to you when you think it's time to give up. But you'll never figure out the time frame. So what can I do?

Seriously, being really honest to everyone. I'm not really into working, I have the passion of working as a carer and being a nurse. I love and enjoy working. But I don't like the way of working day and night like crazy. I'm not after anything at all. In fact, that's the only way I could keep myself busy and not to think about anything, because I'm tired after all.

I'm tired of being in that way. I'm not trying to push anything, and I didn't even dare to, because I don't wanna lose anything. Everything I have and own now is too precious, I can't afford losing any of them. I try my best to cherish everything but somehow there's time that I think it's hard to hang on there. For what reason it is?

Okay! I know... Just let it be. Like a hide and seek. I'll probably figure out sometime in the future. I'm alright, just grumble again. I'm fine, just back to class again this week. So my horrible so called 'holiday' ends. I worked for 80+ hrs in 2 weeks and with the addition of assignments, I'm totally worned out. Sometimes I felt left out, when I really wanna talk, no one really cares. Yes, I'm mad. When I just don't feel like talking, you all will question why is it I didn't call.

Time flies! The first week of class after holiday ends.. It's about another 4 weeks to go for the aged care placement. It's time to adjust myself to the new routine again.

白天与黑夜

2010-10-08T07:58:00.004+08:00

我看我真的疯了！现在早上10点半了，我已经工作了一整晚，现在却坐在电脑前打着字。也许是因为我把功课都赶完了，真的...松了一口气！前三晚，我都是早上5点半才入眠，白天和黑夜，傻傻分不清楚。

说心底话，我无论是身体上还是心理上都疲惫不堪了。我很努力的在撑着，你知道吗？就算我真的哭了，不是我脆弱了，只是我坚持了太久。很多事情，我对于自己，过度的执著了。对于自己要求高，真的会把自己逼疯！无论是工作还是可以课业，我不要求100分，因为没有完美的存在。但是，一定要达到我的目标。即使把自己累坏了，我还是不愿意放弃。

有人说，难道我就不懂得为自己着想吗？很多事情我都不介意，不介意多做，也不介意得到些什么，也许我就真的没有想很多。

刚刚把‘谈情说爱’看完了！只能说是赞！可是，真的好无奈，为什么人总是在失去后才明白拥有的幸福。爱情，有时候真的是天意弄人。其实这，让我想起你。我忘了从什么时候开始，听到你的声音，对我而言，是最大的安慰。有些事情，我从来都没告诉你，谢谢你在我最无助的时候帮我熬了过来。然而，很多事情我都弄不明白。所谓的火，总是燃烧在我脑袋里，所谓的不完美，到底是我猜测的那样吗？

现在我终于懂得累，想要睡觉了。

Sem Break..

2010-09-29T20:59:00.003+08:00

Okay, it's sem break again! Should I be excited or sad? Excited for not having to go to lectures... Sad in the way that it's all about assignments and works? and being honest, this is not a holiday kay...

I'm feeling kinda weird recently. I guess I've been thinking too much! And that eventually gonna drive me crazy. I wish I'm a mind reader, but I'm not. I think I'm strong enough to hold on that, but apparently I have no idea what's gonna happen in the future. I might be able to hold on all the way, but there's a time limit. I need a bit of confidence and making sure that this is not an endless wait ay? I'm sure I'll be able to make it if I know what does it means. Guess what? This just makes me feel like I'm hanging in the middle of nowhere.

You won't believe what is the most wonderful things for me now. It is actually waking up in the morning and realize that I'm one day closer to go home=) It's not that I don't like the life and everything here, but my battery gonna turn flat soon. I need recharging!

I guess the thing that I actually need to learn was giving myself a break. Seems like everyone totally agree that I've been pushing too hard on myself. I really get what you mean. I know you're worried about me. You said I'm kind of like a workaholic, I wonder, am I? But I do feel weird when I'm not tired and not working on that day too. Maybe I just love my life being busy? In that way, time actually flies!

I didn't mean anything with this. I'm trying to remains silence all these while but it doesn't mean i don't care. I don't mind to let people know about my life, it's all my thought and how I get through all those wonderful and tough moment. But, I don't need anyone to comment on what's right or wrong. Perhaps I need a little bit of freedom on how I handle my life. When I'm stressed up, I just wanna be insane for that moment with all of my friends. Just laugh and cry as I like, that's the point. Somehow, things that matter was not how people look at you, but how you look at yourself. What you think was actually the reflection of your mind.

The first week of the holiday is coming to an end. I've still got one more assignment to go, and lots of day of working. Hmm... I just feel like talking now, can I?

想念

2010-09-22T15:41:00.003+08:00

感觉上，我快要搞不清楚自己脑袋里装什么了。你知道吗？我好想念你，也好想家。可是，事实是我必须接受大家日子都过得好忙碌。这段时间里，其实我总是在想，你想说的到底是什么？至于跟我估计的是否一样？有些话，真的说不出口，但我又能如何？我能够做的都尽力了，剩下的只是在等时间过。

还有86天，我才能再次回到远方的家。你们说，我看起来过得很好。我过得不好时，你们却没有发现。在这里1年多了，我真正为自己放假的日子，十根手指头真的数的来。所谓的学院假期，是我再次拼搏的时候。我没有怨天尤人，路是我选的，梦想是我追求的。有时候我总是在抱怨着，可是我不是都熬过去了吗？

当我开始抱怨的时候，你知道我需要的是什么吗？不是你的意见批评，这些我都受够了，我只是想要你告诉我，你会在我身边支持我，为我加油，就只是如此的简单。我以为离开了家，会得到我向往的自由，我盼望已久的没有拘束。可是，我还是得不到！我不介意你关心我的人生，不介意你的唠叨，可是我真的不需要你再告诉我在你观点里什么是不对的。

人往往会认为别人看不起自己，因为是你自己先看不起自己。我没有那个惯性告诉别人心里想什么，所以我用写的。我在每一件事上都尽我所能了，可是我不是铁人，也许你认为我太拼了，那就由我吧，因为你总是说我很固执对吧！至少我清楚知道什么时候真的应该停止。

中秋节快了哦！我真的好想家。月圆，但人却没有团圆。希望在另一方的你，会有个美好的中秋节，我们看见的月亮应该会是一样圆的吧！

First time ever=)

2010-09-18T20:06:00.005+08:00

Okay! I guess I haven't been disppearing for a long time aye?? Hehe... I was just busy with heaps of assignments and work. It's tiring... I mean really! I did a few night shift and went back to class the next day, it was kind of like feeling restless for the whole day. I need to keep moving during class just to make me stay awake. You'll know how it feels like when you work from 11pm to 6.30am, get back and have a shower, have a half an hour nap and get back to class from 9am till 4.30pm. I guess I'm alright managing it, but somehow I'm still not a Superwoman aye? I'm just trying to do whatever I can.

I know lots of you are gonna nag at me. I don't need that, it's more than enough. Just let me know that you care and will be there for me. That's the best gift to me=) All of that was stressful and more than enough to be added in my life. I know what am I doing and I'm trying my very best.

Anyway, I went to CINEMA today!! I've been wanting to watch 'Going the Distance' all these while. My dream came true! OMG!! I think it was awesome and good=) It was funny and meaningful, especially for couples that was currently in long distance relationship. I think long distance is gonna work actually. It's not gonna be easy but somehow if they manage to get through everything, it's gonna last forever. Sometimes, being in distance makes the connection better because you'll talk a lot over the phone, there's things that you won't talk about if you're being together everyday. Anyway, you need lots of effort and leaps of faith to get there=) and of course with the same commitment! Hahaha... Don't lose to distance as that's not your enemy, go for it and left no regret.

Honestly, that movie makes me thinking about lots of things. It's kind of touching too especially on the moment that they're gonna leave. Nothing is impossible, LOVE is just the same too=)

Time flies aye?? =S It's just exactly 90 days to go and I'm going HOME! OMG O.O I can't wait to go back... Seriously looking forward for that. I'm wondering is there gonna be any changes when I'm back this trip. I wish there is, but of course it's gonna be what I've been wanting. I just wish that what you wanted to say what the same like in my mind. There's things that should be spoken out aye? I don't want to come back to Adelaide with my mind and heart full of questions again =S My life ain't gonna be good in that way. It's gonna be great if I can give myself some confidence. In the other way, I'm afraid it's not what i thought. I gotta think of the worst part too right? It's not a habit anymore, I guess in somewhere or sometime, it becomes part of my life. I can't do anything, I'm just waiting for the time to lead me over to the next step.

Time to sleep aye? I'm soooo tired... and the damn migraine that was bothering me the whole day. Gotta take medicine..=( I'll have to work again tomorrow, kinda worry how's the allocation? Pray hard=)

Wonder...

2010-09-03T22:44:00.003+08:00

Hey yeah! How's everyone doing there? I'm fine here... At least I'm still holding on here. I can't figure out what's in my mind and what do I really want. Okay! I gotta admit that people could interfere and mess up my mind easily.

Could you believe that? It's September now! Winter is over and Spring is here... Hell yeah! It doesn't feel like Spring at all now. So damn freezing cold! The wind are getting stronger and the rain just never stop. I just wanna hug my Teddy and stay in my bed the whole day=) I have another Teddy again, one that makes me feel warm during night. Teddy is my best friend for now, he'll listen to what's in my mind, he won't comment on anything, but I can hug him tight.

I just don't want to keep on repeating that I'm tired and stressful. I'm tired of saying that too. If you know me well, take a look on my face, the smile that took me so much effort to keep it on. It's not that I'm not happy and grateful with what I have now. But honestly, you won't know how it is because you are not me. I know I have to be stronger and I've been telling myself all the time. I doubt? Am I working hard enough to get there? There's just so much things to worried about.

Thanks for everyone that was back there, trying hard to give me support. I appreciate it, but somehow, I'm still alone here. I'm counting the days here, there's 105 days to go. 105 days seems long for me. It's not about that I don't like this place or not happy with it. In fact, I love this place, i love the work... But, I need a break. A holiday that I won't need to think of study and work. I miss home too, there's a lot of things that I only get to realize when I was out here.

I wanna go home! But in the other way, there's people that I need to face in person when I was back. I don't know how to handle that. Sometimes, i think people should deserve a second chance. But, I doubt if it's easy to make a change. There's once that I actually make up my mind to give you a chance, but some other people just mess up my decision. Maybe i should just see how it goes. I'll consider it carefully all over again.

I guess I grumble a lot. But no worries, I just wanna say what I feel... I'm alright again after that, fit enough to go on! I'm not invincible, but you won't be able to figure out how strong could I be. I cry like a little girl all the time, but I wipe off my tears and go on again=)

Love you all back there <3 <3 <3

I don't know..

2010-08-13T21:16:00.002+08:00

Hmm... I've been really tired recently. Lots of things could happen, people just came in and out of my life. Don't go just as you like, don't invade just as you feel like. I just don't know what happen all in a sudden. Being honest, i do hate this person in some way, just don't know the way of him trying to get into my life.

But I think I was kind of being stereotyping, and I knew I wasn't being nice to you. I'm sorry about that, I'm treating you like I did to everyone now. Just like what I said, everyone deserve a second chance, and I'm sure you do. But the final decision was still up to you. You might have your own way of living a better life.

I just don't know why, I thought I won't, but I realize that I do care about what you said. I feel sorry for not facing some of the matter in the first place. But I hope you understand that I wasn't being nice, but I think i do care what you said, for whatever reason it is. I seriously don't know. Thanks a lot for being honest to me, I appreciate it, at least you know what's the problem.

I just don't feel like thinking so much. All of my time just gone like I never knew. I knew I'll sort it out someday later.

如果

2010-07-27T23:03:00.002+08:00

在我们的现实生活中，我们不停的引用着如果，可是有多少的如果会实现，有多少的如果能回头，有多少的如果是事实，又有多少的如果是能够兑现的呢？我承认，我讨厌自己的悲观。我宁愿想得最坏，也不愿意往好的一方面想，也许没有信心，可是希望越大，失望越大。

在这里的日子，一个人的时候，想得特别多。在想，原来来了这里，我也放弃了不少东西。放弃了原有的可能性，也许我不够坚强，战斗纠缠不下去，所以我选择放弃离开。现在回头再看时，原来一切都只是习惯，，习惯了有这么一个人一直在身旁。我不否认自己变了许多，成熟了，不再是大家以前说的大小姐了，独立了，可是还是如以前那么固执，爱哭...

我的坚强也很快就用完了，惟有把自己弄得很累才不会想很多。就因为把自己逼得太紧，所以坚强不起来，累了就只能用泪水来发泄。有些事情，我不会说出口，也说不出口，逼我只会让我离你更远。

现在什么都不想，只是想要某些事情一直都没改变。过去的很想忘了，可是有些事情，忘不了，因为那曾经是习惯。

PS：12月要回家了，拭目以待我那怪怪的华文吧！我自己也受不了...

Busy busy=(

2010-07-14T00:46:00.006+08:00

Hey there, it’s been ages since I last update my blog… Sorry guys! I know it was like 3 months ago that I last updated my blog. I’m putting myself in trouble now as I’ve got so many things to write. There are heaps of things that are happening in these 3 months. Hmm, a short period that was fully of joy and laughter together with some tears.

On the month of May, it was just all about eating, studying and working. Not to forgot about my dearest friend, Debrah’s birthday. I bought her 4 cupcakes that were specially made! We planned to give her a surprise, and we knew she won’t fell into our trap so easily. So I ended up telling lie that there was spider in my room, acting like I’m so scared! (I’m actually scared that she won’t be bothering me) Haha! But I got you Debrah! It wasn’t a big spider, but more them 10 of them hiding in my room with a birthday cake=) we hope you really like the surprise girl.

When it comes to the month of June, it wasn’t fun anymore but full of hard work and tears. It’s time to get serious when the A & P topic began. It comes with few hundred pages of learning guide and 10 assessment essays. Not to forget the 4 test with the passing mark of 70%. It wasn’t the matter of easy or difficult but about how much time would you have to deal with all of these. You would really want to cry if you’re working from Saturday to Tuesday and test on 9 topic of Anatomy and Physiology on Wednesday morning. I’ve used up all the spare time including break time during work and extra time when waiting for bus to study, but there’s no way to finish all of that. It just wasn’t the matter about whether I’m working hard enough, somehow I wish I had 48 hours in that day. I couldn’t help but was kind of frustrated with myself for not meeting my own expectation. Seriously, I hardly have extra time to really sleep. Honestly, I haven’t got time to watch any movie or drama for a couple of months already.

On the last day of our 2nd term, we went to celebrate at the Korean restaurant, it was good but missing a couple of them. It was a day full of laughter and crazy act, we was like the attention to everyone passing by. The “but but car” song really make me laugh till sitting on the floor. Oh god! Please don’t sing that at the bus stop again next time, I feel so embarrassed when people keep looking at me while I can’t stop laughing sitting on the floor. Anyway, D12! There it goes our second semester, good luck for the upcoming one!

I guess that was too much for me, and there’s no way for me to get home this holiday. So, I had a short getaway to Melbourne for 4 days 3 nights with Debrah. It was great! There’s nothing much to worry about and get away from work. Melbourne was totally different from Adelaide, lots of Asians, really a CBD! The first lunch we had there was at Old Town, Ohh! I really miss that! Something that shouldn’t be left out was Starbucks Green Tea latte and EASY WAY! I miss that DAMN much! Eating that kind of food makes me feel like I was home. Seriously, studying in Melbourne was still like back in home. You could just find everything there. Anyway, I still prefer Adelaide, it’s peaceful and less hectic. The hustle and bustle of Melbourne was not a good place for studying with lots of entertainment.

I went to Philip Island, Churchill Island, Harbour Town, Chinatown, Southern Cross and just basically walking around the city. It was a holiday, so I spent some time on exercising, doing spa and sauna in the hotel. It was really relaxing! Time that you enjoy always pass by like lightning, short but precious and memorable. I met up with one of the ex- classmate as well, talk a lot about our friends and class. That makes me feel like going home. After all, my secondary school life was really memorable with all the happening events.

Well, after the trip it was time to work hard again. Think a lot during that period, there’s something that I should probably give up and stop dragging. It’s tiring. So, just leave that aside. I was sick last week, with sore throat, cough, flu and headache. I knew I need some rest but I need to finish my assignment before it due. So I end up sleeping at 5am for 4 days consecutively to finish my work. I had another sleepless night after that as I work night shift, from 11pm till quarter past seven in the morning. It was crazy and tiring! But it’s time to rest to get well=) I’m alright now, getting better. I’m trying to sleep like a pig now, 12 hours in a day, handing up the assignment was like such a huge relieve. All I need to worry now is about work, will be working everyday this week. I’ve done my performance appraisal today, it was good but just need to attend some extra education session that was optional. I got to stop here, otherwise I won’t be finishing until tomorrow morning! Miss you all, take care=)

Thinking

2010-04-24T00:31:00.000+08:00

I couldn't think of any reason, but just simply not tired tonight. I'm working in the afternoon tomorrow, that's great as I doesn't need to wake up early anymore. Life has been tiring like always, work and study.

I've been to the city for some groceries shopping and bought myself some books to study during leisure time. I haven't done much things recently, spend most of my precious time on work, assignment, books and phone. Haha=) There's always someone that cheer me up!

Without realizing, it's gonna be May on next Sat. It means that I'm here for nearly 8 mths, I couldn't believe that! I knew I've been a bit late to realize people that was beside me and guide me through all the way, but thanks a lot! I do learned a lot throughout this period, appreciate what we have and don't judge people according to their appearance.

My life journey was a long way to go, don't ask me if I'm gonna go back in the future or stay here. I don't have the answer, please don't make any assumption as mind will change accordingly with maturity as i grow. I'm working hard on my English now to get band 7 or better in all the 4 categories of IELTS!

I'm sorry that I wouldn't have the time to update my blog frequently. There's lots things I've miss out and need to be sacrifies. I'm really looking forward to go home during this year end, probably gonna get my schedule in the coming June.

~Disappointments are like road bumps, they slow you down a bit but you will enjoy the smooth road afterwards. Don't stay on the bumps too long but MOVE ON!!~

Nearly there=)

2010-04-09T18:54:00.003+08:00

I'm nearly there, just two more days to go and I'll get a day off on Monday! My mission was nearly complete, I've been trying to be strong and get this through. Gonna release all the stress and tension I've got throughout this 2 weeks. Well, I did learn a lot and things are getting harder. I've been enjoying the time with those residents, it's a happy things when they do remember you all the time. Have been really tired for this period, been sleeping early at around 10.30pm, that wasn't like me at all! Haha...

Oh yeah! I'm gonna have a marvelous day when day off. Gonna get myself something nice as a reward of working hard. Probably gonna have lunch and dinner out there, trying with all kind of western food now, not gonna have asian food since I'm having it in Hosanna.

Well, there is always something that you do have to give up all the time, it's not possible to have everything. I'm not giving up about that, but let it go with fate and the time will decide.

I've been too busy to update what's been going on since I've started with my work. Lots stuff that I have done, such as been to the Malaysian Cuisine restaurant, Adelaide Northern Light and to Hog's breath cafe on the last day of the 1st semester. Hmm... I haven't got the time to upload those lovely photos. Having a early shift at 7am tomorrow up to quarter to four, and an afternoon shift on Sunday.

I'll definitely get some time to do that...Hehe, I'm just praying that I'll have a good day for the next 2 days! Crossed fingers=) Hmm... I'm missing someone at the moment, when should I call you?

恭喜李宗伟！+好想回家！

2010-03-17T22:51:00.003+08:00

首先当然恭喜李宗伟成为全英王咯！大家总算盼望到今天了，我一直相信只要不放弃，总会有成功的一天！从2003年第一局就遭受淘汰，一直走到今天的全英百届王，泪水和汗水是无法衡量的。他永远是我的英雄！其实一直都没办法真的看他打球，这里没有直播，就只能看livescore。可是时差的关系在加上最近忙碌的自己，真的撑不了。上课加上工作，真的很累人！现在整个人真的是紧绷了，好想大哭发泄发泄呢！

Could you save me? I'm stuck in here... Whatever i can do was just stay here and keep working hard! It's tiring... Really tiring! Well, the hero is back home, you are back home, everyone is back at home, when is my turn? Whatever it is, I really need a break, but I can't afford my life! So what can i do? Just gonna bare with it.

Well... Just ignore me anyway, just trying to relieve some stress. No matter how much laughter it doesn't really works to cheer me up. Just wish to drop down on the bed and sleep for a week! But honestly, I really wanna go home, at least to a place that I could have a rest and keep assignment and work away!

You won't know how it feels like when everyone arounds you get the chance to go back and you are there waiting for a unknown holiday. It's not the matter how life is over here, it is just that you really wanna go home for that shelter that you could actually forget about everything and have a good rest and some good food instead of the chicken!!!

Anyway, I'll be fine again tomorrow, that's me! Life is always tiring and that is what it should be. Nothing much you could do but keep yourself strong all the time, I know I can! No matter what, just hold on tight, there is always someone that inspire me to hang on for another moment!

必须坚持！

2010-02-26T18:43:00.000+08:00

Hmm…发觉自己不再有那么多的时间写下自己心里头的感觉了，不知不觉，在这里也接近半年了，真是光阴似剑，时光如梭…现在进入了工作和读书并和的时候，老实说真的不容易，可是我知道自己会坚持，因为这条路是我选的，也清楚自己想要的是什么。

还有个星期我就在这里半年了，其实在这段时间里我都不曾真的放假，半年里头就只有2个星期吧！所以有时候觉得好累，即使是来临有两个星期的放假，但是还是想努力工作赚钱。其实我喜欢也享受这份工作，看见老人家们过得开心，自己也会很安慰。有时候看见他们那样子，也会心疼。

其实真的好想家哦！当大家都聚在一起但却少了我时，真的好难过。在这么遥远的我，却不能在当下和你们分享喜悦。听见朋友们来来回回的回了家几趟，真的不禁在想，何时才轮到我。二月份要结束了，表示我还有大约9个月的时间应该就有机会回家了。所以我誓言要好好赚钱，以自己的能力付生活费，自己买机票回家，花自己的钱。爸妈为我付出的真的很多了，我今年也真的18了，该靠自己了吧！想好好报答他们，用自己的能力让他们来澳洲旅行。

其实如果没有家人，好多难关我真的不晓得自己能否熬下去，我只能说是眼泪伴随我成长。当我发现自己不再有那么多依靠时，真的一夜间成长了，很多事情即使是不晓得也要放2百个心跳去尝试。

我很庆幸自己今天能走到这里，如果当初的我没有坚持，今天的我或许还没成长，或许真的后悔了。

Happy CNY=)

2010-02-16T20:58:00.004+08:00

Hey, Happy Chinese New Year guys... Well, I'm somewhere else for Chinese New Year this year, didn't manage to go back to my hometown. For the first time, things was so different. Seriously, I have the feeling of being left out by everyone back there, i couldn't share the joy and the moment you guys have there.

I tried... Try to catch up with things, but it's just impossible. I understand things, and yeah, that's fine. Seriously, can't believe that i was here for nearly half a year already. Someone said that nothing is impossible with determination, if there's dedication, I could accomplish anything. At least this give me some motivation.

Have been really tiring these days, didn't manage to sleep well. I think i need a rest, but there's still way to go before I could actually rest. Too much things to worry, stress+ tension= tears
Pillow gonna wet again tonight=.=

Things gonna start all over again, in a brand new environment! I'm looking forward for that but really need to cope well with it. Well, at least i accomplish one of my other mission again this time. Just gonna hold on tight and get through it!

It's a long way to go again before i could go home. Apparently, another 10 months to go. And yet, i don't even know when is the date. Just realize that if you have faith on things, it's gonna come true. Pray hard, try your best and you'll be alright. Don't blame anything, go on with your life no matter how it is. Hmm... I really hope someone will bring me home>.<

突然

2010-01-24T21:57:00.002+08:00

我也很长一段时间没有用华文写部落格了，突然有种冲动想要写下目前的心情。感觉华文退步了好多…不晓得怎么了，可是最近的我好累，心情都蛮低落，也好想回家。有些事情，当自己拥有时，总不晓得他有多珍贵，失去时才懂得他的重要性。

不晓得怎么说，人类就老是爱把事情复杂化，所以人生才那么累人。在短短的时间内，真的能够发生很多事情。所以我常说，无论你有多坚强，还是会有用完的一天。面对需要勇气，逃避总是解决不了事情。

以前的我，很想要自由，现在的我有了自由，但我很想家。人永远都在追求不同的东西，其实知足才能活得更轻松开心。当然，目标不能少，只是必须懂得满足。我知道自己想太多，顾虑太多，所以压力总是很大。也知道妈妈不停的担心总是把自己逼得很紧的我，担心压力会影响我的健康。对不起，总是让你们担心！有时很努力的忍着，可是眼泪还是掉了下来。身旁的人不停的询问我几时回家，当下的我真的都在想，大家都回去了，何时才到我？也许过去的我不曾对爸妈说过我爱你们，可是来了这里，发觉自己长大了，发现很多自己不曾察觉的事，家人永远都排第一！

无论发生什么事，日子还是要过，唯有往前看…可是我好像还有着重量的包袱！

P/s:恭喜李宗伟二连冠，三连霸！贡献古陈获得今年首个冠军！我错过了好多...

My 200th Post^^

2010-01-19T20:23:00.009+08:00

I’m back! Well… I’m sorry for not updating my blog. I’ve abandoned it for quite a while. This is my 200th post, at last i reach 200, such a long way!Just too much things happened recently, don’t really have the time to write something. I’m just gotta briefly describe how is it.

22Dec09
It’s the day to eat glutinous rice ball, it seems like impossible to get it in Adelaide. But really thanks to Caroline, Debrah and Li Qun for putting the effort to make it on their own. It’s special when you get to eat something that was way back from home. That’s really nice^^
24Dec09
Merry Christmas! It should be Christmas Eve, but Australian celebrates Christmas on this day. I don’t really celebrate Christmas way back at home but I love the feeling of Christmas. Hmm… We have Christmas dinner at Hosanna, lot’s yummy stuff to eat. It’s the carolling session after the dinner. Everyone enjoy the night very much!

31Dec09
It’s the last day of 2009, can’t really believe that. When I look back for the year of 2009, the most memorable moment was when I’m working in Japan Boat for about 7 months. Hey, I love you guys so much! That will be the moment that I wouldn’t want to forget in my life time. I do enjoy the time there! I’m glad to know you guys and always keep in touch now and then.
Besides that, I spent the other time with my family in KK, Penang and KL. While the rest was my life in Aussie. Nothing much that could describe in words, but I know it’s the beginning and the turning point of my life.

I join the countdown with the rest of my friend that day, there’s 10++ of us. It is my first new year in Adelaide, I have all sort kind of feelings. Miss home, excited for a new year, looking forward for another threshold and etc. It’s kind of weird actually, keep on questioning myself how nice if I’m with my family.

I have to admit, I never thought I’ll miss home that much before I was here. It takes time to realise how much does your family means to you. No matter what happened they will always at your back and never let you down. I love you guys!

1Jan10
I got a new room for myself, I think it will be better in this way. No carpet so that it won’t cause much allergy problems for me. It’s alright even though there’s no sink, I got a bigger space, and double bed.
14Jan10
I went for Ice Skating with Caroline, Debrah and Li Qun. I really have fun on that. It’s been quite a long time since I really have fun, from the inner of my heart. Jie jie, now I get what you mean that you think ice skating was fun. If there’s a chance, I hope that the 4 of us will go back there again.

Basically, most of the time I was just doing assignment, watch movie, and go to city or library. I have to practice healthy lifestyle now. Need to go for a walk in the park early in the morning once in a while, sleep and wake up early! I have no idea how much movie I have watch, about 4-5 in a week, can’t really remember what I’ve watch. But I’m in love with Nicholas Sparks, his novels was remarkable. I’ve watch The Notebook, Nights in Rodanthe and A Walk to Remember. All of that make me cry.

I’ve been watching some movie that was to with dancing lately, it really makes me miss dancing! Dancing used to be the way that I could express myself and relieve stress. I really miss those moments that I could dance freely on the stage… Well, I don’t think I have the chance anymore. Just got to enjoy the show.

Hmm… Nothing is impossible, it’s really true! Just want to concentrate on study now, and pray hard that I could get a job as soon as possible. Joining D12 tomorrow, I hope that everything will be fine.

18 Legal^^(Part 2)

2009-12-20T19:03:00.001+08:00

13Dec09

Hehe… It’s Sunday and I’m not really sure what I’ve done for that day. Most probably sleeping until 12pm and go down for lunch. What I really remember was nice chicken for lunch! That’s one of my favourite chickens in Hosanna.

I couldn’t sleep on that night, seriously don’t know why. Sitting at the staircase 3am in the morning hugging my pillow and listen to music through my headset. I know it looks emo, and I shock someone else. Don’t worry, I’m alright, just thinking that the wind that blows makes me feel better. Someone ask me whether I cry, no I didn’t. I’m just looking for a space for myself and enjoying the silence of night. I like to stare on the darkness and let my mind to be blank. Pop myself on the bed at 5am in the morning. Anyway, thanks for your concern, I’m really alright.

14Dec09

Its Ahm’s farewell that night, both me and Geraldine went out with Esther and Susan as they want to print some photo. We have Hungry Jack’s for dinner and went back at about 7.30pm. We started to work on the scrap book which is Ahm’s present until 10 something and join in the party.

There are really lots of people, almost everyone in Hosanna was there. Get to drink 2 bottles of beer, it taste nicer than the one we have in Malaysia, not bitter but sweet. Hmm… I guess everyone will miss Ahm, he’s really a nice guy! Thank you for everyone who sings the Happy Birthday song for me on the night.

15Dec09

Happy Birthday to myself! Just couldn’t believe that I’m 18, which is legal as an adult. Thank you for daddy and mommy for sending me the greeting cards through email. Thanks for wishing me through sms. Thanks brother for still remembering my birthday even though you are really busy. Thank you for everyone who purposely message me way back from Malaysia and all the wishes on facebook. It takes me few hours to reply everything!

Thank you for the presents from Geraldine, Kong, Helen, Betty, Chua, Esther and Susan. Everything was lovely!

Wake up at 9 something in the morning and headed to City Cross with Geraldine, Esther and Susan for photo printing again. I have Subway as my birthday meal. We manage to finish the scrap book in the library. Joko and Yutaka join us to take bus over to the airport.

There are almost 20 of us sending Ahm off at airport, Adelaide airport was really nice as you can actually go into the departure hall.

Me and Geraldine escape from the group after that, we have Hungry Jack’s again for my birthday dinner. Manage to get back at Hosanna at 7 something. It’s a special birthday that I’m not celebrating with everyone way back at Malaysia.

16Dec09

I’m not really sure what I’ve done for this day, probably sleep again??? I haven’t been joining everyone for lunch and dinner throughout this 2 weeks holiday. Somehow, I’m not in the mood to talk crap and laugh for something I don’t understand or not funny at all. Just want to have a rest and have my own life for this period.

Call back to home and talk for about an hour with mommy, jie jie and koko^^ I miss you guys!

17Dec09

I plan to go to the temple and Geraldine decided to accompany me since I have no idea where it is. It wasn’t hard to find but we have got the wrong way since the beginning. Anyway, we manage to find the way. The Buddhist temple wasn’t like what I expected, it’s very different from the one we have in Malaysia. This is just very simple and own by Thailand people. The monk wasn’t there on that day.

Meet up with Chua after we went back to city to have lunch. We meet up at China Town. I tried the beef noodle over there since everyone said it was really nice. It was still alright for me.

We went to library after that. I manage to renew my card and borrow another pile of DVD^^

18Dec09

We took the 11 something bus to the library as the two of us doesn’t want to wake up in the morning. Stay in the library for a few hours until 4 something in the afternoon. Geraldine went back earlier as the office call and asks her to settle some stuff.

Both of us have a nap after that, but ended up waking up at 8 something in the night. After bath and dinner, we started our movies marathon. We have a crazy thought to watch movies till 6 in the morning. Manage to pop ourselves in the bed at 6.30am.Seems like we didn’t sleep the whole night! Haha^^

19Dec09

I wake up at about 2.30pm and have my lunch at 3pm. I’ve been working hard on editing photos and typing blog the whole day. Hehe… There’s too much for me to write from the 3 weeks placement until today. But I need to do this as my course will commence on Monday. I don’t think I will have enough time to do this when dealing with lots of assignments.

Anyway, I’m so obsess with the sky. People who know me well will surely know that I love the sky! Here are some of them photos!