感觉上，我快要搞不清楚自己脑袋里装什么了。你知道吗？我好想念你，也好想家。可是，事实是我必须接受大家日子都过得好忙碌。这段时间里，其实我总是在想，你想说的到底是什么？至于跟我估计的是否一样？有些话，真的说不出口，但我又能如何？我能够做的都尽力了，剩下的只是在等时间过。

还有86天，我才能再次回到远方的家。你们说，我看起来过得很好。我过得不好时，你们却没有发现。在这里1年多了，我真正为自己放假的日子，十根手指头真的数的来。所谓的学院假期，是我再次拼搏的时候。我没有怨天尤人，路是我选的，梦想是我追求的。有时候我总是在抱怨着，可是我不是都熬过去了吗？

当我开始抱怨的时候，你知道我需要的是什么吗？不是你的意见批评，这些我都受够了，我只是想要你告诉我，你会在我身边支持我，为我加油，就只是如此的简单。我以为离开了家，会得到我向往的自由，我盼望已久的没有拘束。可是，我还是得不到！我不介意你关心我的人生，不介意你的唠叨，可是我真的不需要你再告诉我在你观点里什么是不对的。

人往往会认为别人看不起自己，因为是你自己先看不起自己。我没有那个惯性告诉别人心里想什么，所以我用写的。我在每一件事上都尽我所能了，可是我不是铁人，也许你认为我太拼了，那就由我吧，因为你总是说我很固执对吧！至少我清楚知道什么时候真的应该停止。

中秋节快了哦！我真的好想家。月圆，但人却没有团圆。希望在另一方的你，会有个美好的中秋节，我们看见的月亮应该会是一样圆的吧！

Okay! I guess I haven't been disppearing for a long time aye?? Hehe... I was just busy with heaps of assignments and work. It's tiring... I mean really! I did a few night shift and went back to class the next day, it was kind of like feeling restless for the whole day. I need to keep moving during class just to make me stay awake. You'll know how it feels like when you work from 11pm to 6.30am, get back and have a shower, have a half an hour nap and get back to class from 9am till 4.30pm. I guess I'm alright managing it, but somehow I'm still not a Superwoman aye? I'm just trying to do whatever I can.

I know lots of you are gonna nag at me. I don't need that, it's more than enough. Just let me know that you care and will be there for me. That's the best gift to me=) All of that was stressful and more than enough to be added in my life. I know what am I doing and I'm trying my very best.

Anyway, I went to CINEMA today!! I've been wanting to watch 'Going the Distance' all these while. My dream came true! OMG!! I think it was awesome and good=) It was funny and meaningful, especially for couples that was currently in long distance relationship. I think long distance is gonna work actually. It's not gonna be easy but somehow if they manage to get through everything, it's gonna last forever. Sometimes, being in distance makes the connection better because you'll talk a lot over the phone, there's things that you won't talk about if you're being together everyday. Anyway, you need lots of effort and leaps of faith to get there=) and of course with the same commitment! Hahaha... Don't lose to distance as that's not your enemy, go for it and left no regret.

Honestly, that movie makes me thinking about lots of things. It's kind of touching too especially on the moment that they're gonna leave. Nothing is impossible, LOVE is just the same too=)

Time flies aye?? =S It's just exactly 90 days to go and I'm going HOME! OMG O.O I can't wait to go back... Seriously looking forward for that. I'm wondering is there gonna be any changes when I'm back this trip. I wish there is, but of course it's gonna be what I've been wanting. I just wish that what you wanted to say what the same like in my mind. There's things that should be spoken out aye? I don't want to come back to Adelaide with my mind and heart full of questions again =S My life ain't gonna be good in that way. It's gonna be great if I can give myself some confidence. In the other way, I'm afraid it's not what i thought. I gotta think of the worst part too right? It's not a habit anymore, I guess in somewhere or sometime, it becomes part of my life. I can't do anything, I'm just waiting for the time to lead me over to the next step.

Time to sleep aye? I'm soooo tired... and the damn migraine that was bothering me the whole day. Gotta take medicine..=( I'll have to work again tomorrow, kinda worry how's the allocation? Pray hard=)

Hey yeah! How's everyone doing there? I'm fine here... At least I'm still holding on here. I can't figure out what's in my mind and what do I really want. Okay! I gotta admit that people could interfere and mess up my mind easily.

Could you believe that? It's September now! Winter is over and Spring is here... Hell yeah! It doesn't feel like Spring at all now. So damn freezing cold! The wind are getting stronger and the rain just never stop. I just wanna hug my Teddy and stay in my bed the whole day=) I have another Teddy again, one that makes me feel warm during night. Teddy is my best friend for now, he'll listen to what's in my mind, he won't comment on anything, but I can hug him tight.

I just don't want to keep on repeating that I'm tired and stressful. I'm tired of saying that too. If you know me well, take a look on my face, the smile that took me so much effort to keep it on. It's not that I'm not happy and grateful with what I have now. But honestly, you won't know how it is because you are not me. I know I have to be stronger and I've been telling myself all the time. I doubt? Am I working hard enough to get there? There's just so much things to worried about.

Thanks for everyone that was back there, trying hard to give me support. I appreciate it, but somehow, I'm still alone here. I'm counting the days here, there's 105 days to go. 105 days seems long for me. It's not about that I don't like this place or not happy with it. In fact, I love this place, i love the work... But, I need a break. A holiday that I won't need to think of study and work. I miss home too, there's a lot of things that I only get to realize when I was out here.

I wanna go home! But in the other way, there's people that I need to face in person when I was back. I don't know how to handle that. Sometimes, i think people should deserve a second chance. But, I doubt if it's easy to make a change. There's once that I actually make up my mind to give you a chance, but some other people just mess up my decision. Maybe i should just see how it goes. I'll consider it carefully all over again.

I guess I grumble a lot. But no worries, I just wanna say what I feel... I'm alright again after that, fit enough to go on! I'm not invincible, but you won't be able to figure out how strong could I be. I cry like a little girl all the time, but I wipe off my tears and go on again=)

Love you all back there <3 <3 <3

Hmm... I've been really tired recently. Lots of things could happen, people just came in and out of my life. Don't go just as you like, don't invade just as you feel like. I just don't know what happen all in a sudden. Being honest, i do hate this person in some way, just don't know the way of him trying to get into my life.

But I think I was kind of being stereotyping, and I knew I wasn't being nice to you. I'm sorry about that, I'm treating you like I did to everyone now. Just like what I said, everyone deserve a second chance, and I'm sure you do. But the final decision was still up to you. You might have your own way of living a better life.

I just don't know why, I thought I won't, but I realize that I do care about what you said. I feel sorry for not facing some of the matter in the first place. But I hope you understand that I wasn't being nice, but I think i do care what you said, for whatever reason it is. I seriously don't know. Thanks a lot for being honest to me, I appreciate it, at least you know what's the problem.

I just don't feel like thinking so much. All of my time just gone like I never knew. I knew I'll sort it out someday later.

在我们的现实生活中，我们不停的引用着如果，可是有多少的如果会实现，有多少的如果能回头，有多少的如果是事实，又有多少的如果是能够兑现的呢？我承认，我讨厌自己的悲观。我宁愿想得最坏，也不愿意往好的一方面想，也许没有信心，可是希望越大，失望越大。

在这里的日子，一个人的时候，想得特别多。在想，原来来了这里，我也放弃了不少东西。放弃了原有的可能性，也许我不够坚强，战斗纠缠不下去，所以我选择放弃离开。现在回头再看时，原来一切都只是习惯，，习惯了有这么一个人一直在身旁。我不否认自己变了许多，成熟了，不再是大家以前说的大小姐了，独立了，可是还是如以前那么固执，爱哭...

我的坚强也很快就用完了，惟有把自己弄得很累才不会想很多。就因为把自己逼得太紧，所以坚强不起来，累了就只能用泪水来发泄。有些事情，我不会说出口，也说不出口，逼我只会让我离你更远。

现在什么都不想，只是想要某些事情一直都没改变。过去的很想忘了，可是有些事情，忘不了，因为那曾经是习惯。

PS：12月要回家了，拭目以待我那怪怪的华文吧！我自己也受不了...

Hey there, it’s been ages since I last update my blog… Sorry guys! I know it was like 3 months ago that I last updated my blog. I’m putting myself in trouble now as I’ve got so many things to write. There are heaps of things that are happening in these 3 months. Hmm, a short period that was fully of joy and laughter together with some tears.

On the month of May, it was just all about eating, studying and working. Not to forgot about my dearest friend, Debrah’s birthday. I bought her 4 cupcakes that were specially made! We planned to give her a surprise, and we knew she won’t fell into our trap so easily. So I ended up telling lie that there was spider in my room, acting like I’m so scared! (I’m actually scared that she won’t be bothering me) Haha! But I got you Debrah! It wasn’t a big spider, but more them 10 of them hiding in my room with a birthday cake=) we hope you really like the surprise girl.

When it comes to the month of June, it wasn’t fun anymore but full of hard work and tears. It’s time to get serious when the A & P topic began. It comes with few hundred pages of learning guide and 10 assessment essays. Not to forget the 4 test with the passing mark of 70%. It wasn’t the matter of easy or difficult but about how much time would you have to deal with all of these. You would really want to cry if you’re working from Saturday to Tuesday and test on 9 topic of Anatomy and Physiology on Wednesday morning. I’ve used up all the spare time including break time during work and extra time when waiting for bus to study, but there’s no way to finish all of that. It just wasn’t the matter about whether I’m working hard enough, somehow I wish I had 48 hours in that day. I couldn’t help but was kind of frustrated with myself for not meeting my own expectation. Seriously, I hardly have extra time to really sleep. Honestly, I haven’t got time to watch any movie or drama for a couple of months already.

On the last day of our 2nd term, we went to celebrate at the Korean restaurant, it was good but missing a couple of them. It was a day full of laughter and crazy act, we was like the attention to everyone passing by. The “but but car” song really make me laugh till sitting on the floor. Oh god! Please don’t sing that at the bus stop again next time, I feel so embarrassed when people keep looking at me while I can’t stop laughing sitting on the floor. Anyway, D12! There it goes our second semester, good luck for the upcoming one!

I guess that was too much for me, and there’s no way for me to get home this holiday. So, I had a short getaway to Melbourne for 4 days 3 nights with Debrah. It was great! There’s nothing much to worry about and get away from work. Melbourne was totally different from Adelaide, lots of Asians, really a CBD! The first lunch we had there was at Old Town, Ohh! I really miss that! Something that shouldn’t be left out was Starbucks Green Tea latte and EASY WAY! I miss that DAMN much! Eating that kind of food makes me feel like I was home. Seriously, studying in Melbourne was still like back in home. You could just find everything there. Anyway, I still prefer Adelaide, it’s peaceful and less hectic. The hustle and bustle of Melbourne was not a good place for studying with lots of entertainment.

I went to Philip Island, Churchill Island, Harbour Town, Chinatown, Southern Cross and just basically walking around the city. It was a holiday, so I spent some time on exercising, doing spa and sauna in the hotel. It was really relaxing! Time that you enjoy always pass by like lightning, short but precious and memorable. I met up with one of the ex- classmate as well, talk a lot about our friends and class. That makes me feel like going home. After all, my secondary school life was really memorable with all the happening events.

Well, after the trip it was time to work hard again. Think a lot during that period, there’s something that I should probably give up and stop dragging. It’s tiring. So, just leave that aside. I was sick last week, with sore throat, cough, flu and headache. I knew I need some rest but I need to finish my assignment before it due. So I end up sleeping at 5am for 4 days consecutively to finish my work. I had another sleepless night after that as I work night shift, from 11pm till quarter past seven in the morning. It was crazy and tiring! But it’s time to rest to get well=) I’m alright now, getting better. I’m trying to sleep like a pig now, 12 hours in a day, handing up the assignment was like such a huge relieve. All I need to worry now is about work, will be working everyday this week. I’ve done my performance appraisal today, it was good but just need to attend some extra education session that was optional. I got to stop here, otherwise I won’t be finishing until tomorrow morning! Miss you all, take care=)

I couldn't think of any reason, but just simply not tired tonight. I'm working in the afternoon tomorrow, that's great as I doesn't need to wake up early anymore. Life has been tiring like always, work and study.

I've been to the city for some groceries shopping and bought myself some books to study during leisure time. I haven't done much things recently, spend most of my precious time on work, assignment, books and phone. Haha=) There's always someone that cheer me up!

Without realizing, it's gonna be May on next Sat. It means that I'm here for nearly 8 mths, I couldn't believe that! I knew I've been a bit late to realize people that was beside me and guide me through all the way, but thanks a lot! I do learned a lot throughout this period, appreciate what we have and don't judge people according to their appearance.

My life journey was a long way to go, don't ask me if I'm gonna go back in the future or stay here. I don't have the answer, please don't make any assumption as mind will change accordingly with maturity as i grow. I'm working hard on my English now to get band 7 or better in all the 4 categories of IELTS!

I'm sorry that I wouldn't have the time to update my blog frequently. There's lots things I've miss out and need to be sacrifies. I'm really looking forward to go home during this year end, probably gonna get my schedule in the coming June.

~Disappointments are like road bumps, they slow you down a bit but you will enjoy the smooth road afterwards. Don't stay on the bumps too long but MOVE ON!!~