我看我真的疯了！现在早上10点半了，我已经工作了一整晚，现在却坐在电脑前打着字。也许是因为我把功课都赶完了，真的...松了一口气！前三晚，我都是早上5点半才入眠，白天和黑夜，傻傻分不清楚。

说心底话，我无论是身体上还是心理上都疲惫不堪了。我很努力的在撑着，你知道吗？就算我真的哭了，不是我脆弱了，只是我坚持了太久。很多事情，我对于自己，过度的执著了。对于自己要求高，真的会把自己逼疯！无论是工作还是可以课业，我不要求100分，因为没有完美的存在。但是，一定要达到我的目标。即使把自己累坏了，我还是不愿意放弃。

有人说，难道我就不懂得为自己着想吗？很多事情我都不介意，不介意多做，也不介意得到些什么，也许我就真的没有想很多。

刚刚把‘谈情说爱’看完了！只能说是赞！可是，真的好无奈，为什么人总是在失去后才明白拥有的幸福。爱情，有时候真的是天意弄人。其实这，让我想起你。我忘了从什么时候开始，听到你的声音，对我而言，是最大的安慰。有些事情，我从来都没告诉你，谢谢你在我最无助的时候帮我熬了过来。然而，很多事情我都弄不明白。所谓的火，总是燃烧在我脑袋里，所谓的不完美，到底是我猜测的那样吗？

现在我终于懂得累，想要睡觉了。

Okay, it's sem break again! Should I be excited or sad? Excited for not having to go to lectures... Sad in the way that it's all about assignments and works? and being honest, this is not a holiday kay...

I'm feeling kinda weird recently. I guess I've been thinking too much! And that eventually gonna drive me crazy. I wish I'm a mind reader, but I'm not. I think I'm strong enough to hold on that, but apparently I have no idea what's gonna happen in the future. I might be able to hold on all the way, but there's a time limit. I need a bit of confidence and making sure that this is not an endless wait ay? I'm sure I'll be able to make it if I know what does it means. Guess what? This just makes me feel like I'm hanging in the middle of nowhere.

You won't believe what is the most wonderful things for me now. It is actually waking up in the morning and realize that I'm one day closer to go home=) It's not that I don't like the life and everything here, but my battery gonna turn flat soon. I need recharging!

I guess the thing that I actually need to learn was giving myself a break. Seems like everyone totally agree that I've been pushing too hard on myself. I really get what you mean. I know you're worried about me. You said I'm kind of like a workaholic, I wonder, am I? But I do feel weird when I'm not tired and not working on that day too. Maybe I just love my life being busy? In that way, time actually flies!

I didn't mean anything with this. I'm trying to remains silence all these while but it doesn't mean i don't care. I don't mind to let people know about my life, it's all my thought and how I get through all those wonderful and tough moment. But, I don't need anyone to comment on what's right or wrong. Perhaps I need a little bit of freedom on how I handle my life. When I'm stressed up, I just wanna be insane for that moment with all of my friends. Just laugh and cry as I like, that's the point. Somehow, things that matter was not how people look at you, but how you look at yourself. What you think was actually the reflection of your mind.

The first week of the holiday is coming to an end. I've still got one more assignment to go, and lots of day of working. Hmm... I just feel like talking now, can I?

感觉上，我快要搞不清楚自己脑袋里装什么了。你知道吗？我好想念你，也好想家。可是，事实是我必须接受大家日子都过得好忙碌。这段时间里，其实我总是在想，你想说的到底是什么？至于跟我估计的是否一样？有些话，真的说不出口，但我又能如何？我能够做的都尽力了，剩下的只是在等时间过。

还有86天，我才能再次回到远方的家。你们说，我看起来过得很好。我过得不好时，你们却没有发现。在这里1年多了，我真正为自己放假的日子，十根手指头真的数的来。所谓的学院假期，是我再次拼搏的时候。我没有怨天尤人，路是我选的，梦想是我追求的。有时候我总是在抱怨着，可是我不是都熬过去了吗？

当我开始抱怨的时候，你知道我需要的是什么吗？不是你的意见批评，这些我都受够了，我只是想要你告诉我，你会在我身边支持我，为我加油，就只是如此的简单。我以为离开了家，会得到我向往的自由，我盼望已久的没有拘束。可是，我还是得不到！我不介意你关心我的人生，不介意你的唠叨，可是我真的不需要你再告诉我在你观点里什么是不对的。

人往往会认为别人看不起自己，因为是你自己先看不起自己。我没有那个惯性告诉别人心里想什么，所以我用写的。我在每一件事上都尽我所能了，可是我不是铁人，也许你认为我太拼了，那就由我吧，因为你总是说我很固执对吧！至少我清楚知道什么时候真的应该停止。

中秋节快了哦！我真的好想家。月圆，但人却没有团圆。希望在另一方的你，会有个美好的中秋节，我们看见的月亮应该会是一样圆的吧！

Okay! I guess I haven't been disppearing for a long time aye?? Hehe... I was just busy with heaps of assignments and work. It's tiring... I mean really! I did a few night shift and went back to class the next day, it was kind of like feeling restless for the whole day. I need to keep moving during class just to make me stay awake. You'll know how it feels like when you work from 11pm to 6.30am, get back and have a shower, have a half an hour nap and get back to class from 9am till 4.30pm. I guess I'm alright managing it, but somehow I'm still not a Superwoman aye? I'm just trying to do whatever I can.

I know lots of you are gonna nag at me. I don't need that, it's more than enough. Just let me know that you care and will be there for me. That's the best gift to me=) All of that was stressful and more than enough to be added in my life. I know what am I doing and I'm trying my very best.

Anyway, I went to CINEMA today!! I've been wanting to watch 'Going the Distance' all these while. My dream came true! OMG!! I think it was awesome and good=) It was funny and meaningful, especially for couples that was currently in long distance relationship. I think long distance is gonna work actually. It's not gonna be easy but somehow if they manage to get through everything, it's gonna last forever. Sometimes, being in distance makes the connection better because you'll talk a lot over the phone, there's things that you won't talk about if you're being together everyday. Anyway, you need lots of effort and leaps of faith to get there=) and of course with the same commitment! Hahaha... Don't lose to distance as that's not your enemy, go for it and left no regret.

Honestly, that movie makes me thinking about lots of things. It's kind of touching too especially on the moment that they're gonna leave. Nothing is impossible, LOVE is just the same too=)

Time flies aye?? =S It's just exactly 90 days to go and I'm going HOME! OMG O.O I can't wait to go back... Seriously looking forward for that. I'm wondering is there gonna be any changes when I'm back this trip. I wish there is, but of course it's gonna be what I've been wanting. I just wish that what you wanted to say what the same like in my mind. There's things that should be spoken out aye? I don't want to come back to Adelaide with my mind and heart full of questions again =S My life ain't gonna be good in that way. It's gonna be great if I can give myself some confidence. In the other way, I'm afraid it's not what i thought. I gotta think of the worst part too right? It's not a habit anymore, I guess in somewhere or sometime, it becomes part of my life. I can't do anything, I'm just waiting for the time to lead me over to the next step.

Time to sleep aye? I'm soooo tired... and the damn migraine that was bothering me the whole day. Gotta take medicine..=( I'll have to work again tomorrow, kinda worry how's the allocation? Pray hard=)

Hey yeah! How's everyone doing there? I'm fine here... At least I'm still holding on here. I can't figure out what's in my mind and what do I really want. Okay! I gotta admit that people could interfere and mess up my mind easily.

Could you believe that? It's September now! Winter is over and Spring is here... Hell yeah! It doesn't feel like Spring at all now. So damn freezing cold! The wind are getting stronger and the rain just never stop. I just wanna hug my Teddy and stay in my bed the whole day=) I have another Teddy again, one that makes me feel warm during night. Teddy is my best friend for now, he'll listen to what's in my mind, he won't comment on anything, but I can hug him tight.

I just don't want to keep on repeating that I'm tired and stressful. I'm tired of saying that too. If you know me well, take a look on my face, the smile that took me so much effort to keep it on. It's not that I'm not happy and grateful with what I have now. But honestly, you won't know how it is because you are not me. I know I have to be stronger and I've been telling myself all the time. I doubt? Am I working hard enough to get there? There's just so much things to worried about.

Thanks for everyone that was back there, trying hard to give me support. I appreciate it, but somehow, I'm still alone here. I'm counting the days here, there's 105 days to go. 105 days seems long for me. It's not about that I don't like this place or not happy with it. In fact, I love this place, i love the work... But, I need a break. A holiday that I won't need to think of study and work. I miss home too, there's a lot of things that I only get to realize when I was out here.

I wanna go home! But in the other way, there's people that I need to face in person when I was back. I don't know how to handle that. Sometimes, i think people should deserve a second chance. But, I doubt if it's easy to make a change. There's once that I actually make up my mind to give you a chance, but some other people just mess up my decision. Maybe i should just see how it goes. I'll consider it carefully all over again.

I guess I grumble a lot. But no worries, I just wanna say what I feel... I'm alright again after that, fit enough to go on! I'm not invincible, but you won't be able to figure out how strong could I be. I cry like a little girl all the time, but I wipe off my tears and go on again=)

Love you all back there <3 <3 <3

Hmm... I've been really tired recently. Lots of things could happen, people just came in and out of my life. Don't go just as you like, don't invade just as you feel like. I just don't know what happen all in a sudden. Being honest, i do hate this person in some way, just don't know the way of him trying to get into my life.

But I think I was kind of being stereotyping, and I knew I wasn't being nice to you. I'm sorry about that, I'm treating you like I did to everyone now. Just like what I said, everyone deserve a second chance, and I'm sure you do. But the final decision was still up to you. You might have your own way of living a better life.

I just don't know why, I thought I won't, but I realize that I do care about what you said. I feel sorry for not facing some of the matter in the first place. But I hope you understand that I wasn't being nice, but I think i do care what you said, for whatever reason it is. I seriously don't know. Thanks a lot for being honest to me, I appreciate it, at least you know what's the problem.

I just don't feel like thinking so much. All of my time just gone like I never knew. I knew I'll sort it out someday later.

在我们的现实生活中，我们不停的引用着如果，可是有多少的如果会实现，有多少的如果能回头，有多少的如果是事实，又有多少的如果是能够兑现的呢？我承认，我讨厌自己的悲观。我宁愿想得最坏，也不愿意往好的一方面想，也许没有信心，可是希望越大，失望越大。

在这里的日子，一个人的时候，想得特别多。在想，原来来了这里，我也放弃了不少东西。放弃了原有的可能性，也许我不够坚强，战斗纠缠不下去，所以我选择放弃离开。现在回头再看时，原来一切都只是习惯，，习惯了有这么一个人一直在身旁。我不否认自己变了许多，成熟了，不再是大家以前说的大小姐了，独立了，可是还是如以前那么固执，爱哭...

我的坚强也很快就用完了，惟有把自己弄得很累才不会想很多。就因为把自己逼得太紧，所以坚强不起来，累了就只能用泪水来发泄。有些事情，我不会说出口，也说不出口，逼我只会让我离你更远。

现在什么都不想，只是想要某些事情一直都没改变。过去的很想忘了，可是有些事情，忘不了，因为那曾经是习惯。

PS：12月要回家了，拭目以待我那怪怪的华文吧！我自己也受不了...