Whatever it is! But greatz! I'm pissed off.. Like never ever before, I didn't show that I'm mad doesn't means that things can go on. I'll get angry too! Once is okay, twice is alright, three times could still be tolerate. But not if it goes on and on and on. There's lots of things that I don't care, but mind your words, think about how would you feel, it's easy to say but are you sure that you're gonna react in the same way if the same thing happenend to you?

Okay... It's about 14 months... I've tried my best not to even get mad like I used to be at home. I cried like crazy because I could only put in on myself, and it's all keeping there. All of those frustration and hard time that i never speak up. It's not because I don't mind. But stop thinking that because I don't mind then it's okay to take advantage on me.

I feel so bad when I finally can't stand it anymore. I didn't mean to burst it out. I'm so sorry. After all I could only hold it back and keep it to myself. I still couldn't get through myself, I still couldn't speak out what is it like for me. I still couldn't cry as I needed a shoulder in front of a person.

I'm okay as always. Just gonna switch off the light, tuck myself in the blanket and hug my teddy tight again.

It's the first day of Diploma aged care placement, and I'm back again to Ananda. To the same place, to the same wing. But there's surely things that was different, there's only about 5 resident that was still remaining in the same wing, I guess the rest was being transferred and R.I.P.

How should I say how is it like for this placement? I'll probably discuss it further more in the coming days, I've still got 19 days to go. For the first day, I'm just getting used to the medication round and route of administration drug. I'm glad that I get to do some obs like BP, BGL and SpO2. Somehow, I actually do prefer to work with someone which have more experience.

OMG! It's only the first day of placement, but I'm feeling so tired. Now I'm wondering that is working on the weekend a good choice? I would probably be really exhausted by the time when everything is finish. It's such a torture when I have to wake up 5 something in the morning when I'm so tired. It's okay anyway, that's what we call life. All I wanted to do when I'm back from placement is just sleep, hardly have any energy to do anything. Anyway, I just wanna learn as much as possible and have fun for the placement.Fingers crossed that everyday is gonna be better.

很多人都在不停的问我，为什么不要交男朋友？再不然就总是不相信我没有男朋友。其实就算要解释我也说了很多遍，也没有必要再去强调了。也有人说，身边那么多人，为什么你就没有考虑接受他们，要求别放得太高。其实我没有任何的要求，只有适不适合。其实应该说很久前，我就开始把人距以千里之外，也许害怕了吧，就只想过好自己的生活。对不起，也许你一直想努力的走到我的生活里，可是一直就只是站在门前进不来。

我总在说，日子很忙碌，我没有时间谈这些。老实说，是不是借口我也不晓得。对，我的确是忙，可是也许也有逃避的成分存在。我只是知道，我什么都不想去在意，只能够把顺其自然挂在嘴边。也许有天吧，我会找到不再逃避的理由，会找到一个值得我的珍惜的人。

Yeap, It's such a relieve to finish my Mental Health assignments in a week time. I wonder how many hours did I slept for these few days after working a night shift and staying late for assignment every night. I'm worn out and exhausted, I really was. I was stressed up and wanted to talk to someone, but somehow it's always the wrong timing, everyone was so busy and stressed up with exam too=(

It's alright, I'll be telling you I'm okay, but I doubt about the fact. There it go when I rely so much on my teddy again, I just need to hug you tight.

It's a great relieve for not having anything bothering me, I can look forward for placement and continue with my working with no worries. I'll try my best, make myself busy so that my brain is fully occupied. I'm really nearly there, just about 35 days to go. Sounds great aye?=D

I seems to be letting go pretty good, at least I think it's good for me. Living my own life is what I want after all. Did I changed after being here? Yeah, I think I'm more mature with thinking and realise how realistic is people in the society. Honestly, I hate it. I wish I could live in a fairy tale with no devil around. No one is perfect, perfect is simply just imperfection. Think about how perfect you are before trying to pick on others weakness. Don't be so picky as people will be picking on you too=D

I'm looking forward to go home. After all, don't freak out on my changes. I'll still look like little girl but I've grown up with all the tears. People says that you're never gonna be alone, but believe me, somehow or sometime in our life, we are alone. It just depends how do you look at it.

Just live to the full, cry to the hardest and laugh to the blast. Live everyday as it's gonna be the last day, no one knows whether tomorrow or accident come first.

Hmm, I came to this point and started to wonder again. I get a bit unhappy and angry with it. Maybe deep inside my heart, I care about it. But something come across my mind, if you don't care, I won't give a damn thing from now on. Maybe, that thought won't last long, as I changed my mind most of the time on these things.

But I did it for the first time, I didn't want to do anything about it. I just wanna see how is it like for you? For everything I did, being honest, I don't have an obligation to do so. I do it because I care, I thought I'll get back what I deserve, but it doesn't seems to work like this. Appreciate it if you mean it. Stop being grandiose, you might be nothing to someone. Somehow, I might be wrong, I don't mind to accept that.

Okay?! What's wrong with me now? I've never thought that this way of thinking will appear now, but I guess that after watching Charlie St. Cloud, this should be implement here. Live, Love and Let go.

Worth it or not? Let the time decide, I'll just wait until I figure out what is it all about. Did I changed? Or I'm beaten by your realistic thought? I'm not realistic at all, I still want to believe in fairy tale. I work hard for what I want, and I think in the way of needing to accept the reality due to life, not because of being realistic.

Seriously, should I be happy or sad? I'm going home soon, but I'm gonna have my placement real soon, in just 2 weeks time. I'm stressed out now, SERIOUSLY!!

Now I started to wonder myself, what's the matter with me? Okay! I have class the whole day on Thursday,did a night shift after that, have class for whole day on Friday, attend a friend's birthday party, off to work again at night, slept for the whole afternoon after back from work, off to work on Saturday night again. I know... I messed up my life. I slept like 3 hours in two days time. Now, I got this weird sleeping pattern. I'll be alright, went for gym this afternoon, hopefully I'm tired enough to sleep early tonight, I'm off to work again tomorrow morning.

Somehow, I'm just kind of in love with night shift. Night shift seems good for me. No rush and seems peaceful. I don't find any problems with it, I'm alright to stay awake throughout the night. I know it's kind of creepy, and it can be bad too sometimes. I know it's not good for health having those messed up sleeping pattern.

Thinking of work, I'm just worried and stressed out. I'm afraid that I couldn't finish off on time. I'm only there for 3-4 days in a week. I'm doing morning, afternoon and night shifts.. Kind of like a mixture. It's really hard to figure out how things really work in every shift. People come and go, routine changes and updated. There is just so much things to take up.

Somehow, I have study and assignments to catch up as well. You just don't feel like dealing with it especially after work, all I know is I'm damn tired. The only thing I could do to deal with heavy assignments was just stay up the whole night, no matter what, I have to finish it!

I'm currently up to the topic about Mental Health. It's an interesting topic, but it's not my cup of tea. The more I get to know about Mental Health, I get to suspect that I have those mental problems. Despite, it makes me think that everyone have mental problems. Just that we're just mild, not that serious to be concern.

Until now... There's still things that I can't figure out. Anyway, I shouldn't care that much, let it be right? But I wonder why, when I don't wanna care, it comes to me. When I care about it soooo much, I couldn't even figure out what. Is it like a games?

I know, I have to be strong, need to hang on there, I'm nearly there right? =)