Mind me, it's not Justin Bieber. But just 'Never Say Never'! Believe me, as once upon a time, I believe in what I think will and should be. But, I learnt a lesson. Just as what I've experience, a person that once I'm trying to make fun of with all kind of impossibilty became one of the most important people in my life now. I didn't say never, but I have that kind of thought that it is not gonna happen on me.

Somehow and somewhere in my life, I need to seriously relax. This kind of worried and tense life might drive me INSANE one day! No kidding. There is so much things to be settled and I have no clue on where about I should begin with. It is not that I have no one to share with what I'm thinking. But it's just not ME having to share what's bothering me. Not that I don't trust anyone, but it's just a kind of insecurity trying to reveal something. Furthermore, I absolutely hate getting comments instead of just listen and trying to support me.

Don't ask me why, I know sometimes I look depressing. I might be, but as I ever mentioned, I'm a girl that you would never understand what's in my mind. Don't try too hard to get rid of my protective cover, as you won't get anything if I have no intention to let it be. I'm undeniable the typical saggitarius, love freedom, being optimistic judging by the appearance, but in fact, I might be just pretending that it's not a big deal. You'll never know that when I'm back alone, it'll be a sleepless night.

I'm really planning to go away for a holiday. Probably on my own or I'll see how it goes. For no reason, I just need some moments to be left alone. Thinking back what had happened all these while and recharge my energy level. But I don't think it'll happen until after 13 June. The roster is already up till a month time. I don't think I could take off those shift just to disappear for a few days. Being honest, I care so much about what others said. Once is good enough to be ignore but twice is more than enough. Can I take control of my life instead? I'll seek for help when I think there's a need.

Hooray=D I'm actually giving myself a day off today, was able to have a day off on Wednesday but ended up receiving call from work when I'm still sleeping soundly in my warm bed, and I have to go to work. Same as to Friday, ended up having a 4 hours orientation shift which is unpaid. But I make up my mind to change my working availability to not available instead, I supposed I deserve a day-off! I reckon I'm definitely not a superwoman! But this is unbelievable, how did I manage to get this through? I came back to Adelaide on 20 April from Wudinna, had 2 days off and started my working marathon on 23 April. This working marathon ended yesterday, which is 14 May. I did 120 hrs+ in 22 days, which is 25 shifts all together.

I know it's insane. But it wasn't bad, there is not much chances out there for you to work this much of shifts. Can't deny that I'm absolutely tired. To be particular, I'm physically and emotionally drained. I fall asleep wherever I go. But guess what? I'm coping well and getting along well with this kind of routine. The hardest time was actually getting myself out of the bed early in the morning when it is so cold! No worries, I'm all good! Just probably working too hard, I know everyone is kind of worried about me, but I'm definitely fine, I could only say that I'm tired. Otherwise, I'm all good! I looks like a little girl, but I could work harder that you could ever thought of.

Now that I'm glad that I get a chance to actually deal with giving medication, I get the same pay as a carer, but this definitely helps for me to gain some experience when I'm really working as an Enrolled Nurse. Finding it a bit hard at the beginning as every place have the different system. But I'm feeling grateful that I knew all of the resident. I need more experience and learning to work on my own.

All I need now is being hardworking and lots of luck. Sorry that I'm keeping things to myself, but I have my own reason. I will mention it when it's over, but revealing it in the wrong timing is gonna be putting so much pressure on me. To be honest, I'm finding it pretty tough to take on all of the expectation. I gotta get it off. I love writing down how I feel, but frankly speaking, I don't really like people to get involved with what's in my mind or restricting my freedom. I'm crossed, but I can't do anything, I guess I need to accept that.

I supposed I'm still a lucky girl. At least I'm really having a great time at work, you guys did a wonderful job feeding me aye! Everyone is feeding me well. I think you guys reckon I need to put on some weight. And how funny is that, I was told off by a resident as I don't want to accept her bunch of grapes and an Easter egg. You guys feed me well and often pick and send me off work. I'm feeling just like a family with all of them!