I'm still tired after all, have been feeling kind of weird recently, can't figure out what have I done in my sleep. I answer call and wake up without any memory of doing so. Is it because I'm too tired. Anyway, don't call me when i'm sleeping, I can't recall anything when I got up, and I seriously need some sleep without disturb.

Was really busy with work, got mixed up between being a carer and doing the medication. I'm getting used to doing the medication, but it's all a rush to just finish everything within that period. More work, more responsibility. But that actually gives me an opportunity to keep practice at the moment. I think it'll be a bit hard to actually keep on track if I wasn't doing it for at least 3 months.

What wrong with people recently? Everyone is being so eager to know anything they would ever wanted to know. Have you ever think of freedom and privacy? Wanting to know is not being caring, this reason is bull shit! I don't care who you are, but leave my life alone. Don't ask why, because I hate it. For a typical saggitarius like me, trying to get involved with my personal space is equally killing me! I will eventually tell you whatever I'm willing to reveal, but please, don't ask for more.

And what's wrong with people? Stop coming after me... It is so freaking annoying! I can be really straight forward if you want me to.

There's things that I need to get through and I'm promising myself that I'll go for a holiday after this=) it doesn't matter if it's a short getaway, as long as I went away and relax for a while. Wanted to go beach, but it's so bloody cold right now! I will eventually get myself somewhere to hide=P it's time to worry on what presents to buy for my dear, this question is so hard! He doesn't seems to be in need of anything><

What kind of life is this? This is really tiring. Work has become the first thing that appears in my mind when I was awaken by my alarm around 5 in the morning. Believe me, I have no appetite to eat at all. The appetite come in the middle of work when you finally know that you're doing fine at work today. By the time I get home and have a shower, all I want is just sleep. When I finally wake up at 6.30pm for dinner, you'll definitely see me sitting down and staring at my food for the next half an hour. There's nothing wrong at all, just that I'm still in snooze mode, and I'll be questioning myself and everyone on how did I get down here? I have no idea at all, that is how disorientated I am.

That is still not too bad. Sometimes when I work double shift, I'll be back for lunch but it pretty much depends on how long is the break in between. I'll be back for lunch and a short nap if it is long enough to be back. Anyway, it's gonna be really late when I got home, have shower and dinner. It's bed time again, bad luck if I'm working in the morning the next day or even double again. This is what I mean by work, eat and sleep. I've been eating pretty much, but mind me, it's never the same time. I can have my dinner around 11pm if I work in the afternoon.

I wish everyone understand how's that feel to me. So.. I'm sorry if I fall asleep when I'm talking to you. I'm sorry if I lose my temper if you can't stop grumbling on me. I'm sorry if I'm being grumpy due to the long day I had. It doesn't mean I'm alright even I didn't mention how's my day at work. It can be fun sometimes, but there are days where it's just not my day.

Yet, I'm still here. Writing and writing before bed time. It's gonna be another long day again tomorrow, gonna be a double shift. I'm so gonna disappear after things are settled. Can't wait for that! Hmm, even a 1 hour bus ride from Hosanna to Westlakes is actually kind of relaxing=) but I wanna go somewhere further=)

Well, I've been writing a lot recently aye? Here again, I know I sounds kind of depressing. Yes to be honest, due to the mixture of tired, stress, worry and mad. And please, I don't need you to ask, I don't need you to say anything. The more you ask, the more you say, I'm getting even more grumpy. Just... Let it be=) this applies to everyone, it doesn't matter who you are.

I desperately wanted a great escape, all of this is too much for me. I need a good sleep, which I don't want anyone to disturb me at all. I wish there is nothing that would bother me and I'll just concentrate and work as I can. But as we know, there are days that just doesn't seems to go in the way that I wanted.

I'm in need of a superman. I need to go fast, as fast as I could! I have no idea what makes me so grumpy recently. But I've had enough, telling the truth was probably the wrong decision, I thought things would turn out better, but you're thinking in the opposite way. I hope that people around me are living a live without worries. It seems impossible, but at least keep yourself busy only worrying about your own problems. Don't assume when you think you're right. No matter who you are, I can't stand that. I couldn't say the truth as I know people care about me, but have you ever think about the freedom and privacy that everyone deserves?

Mind me, it's not Justin Bieber. But just 'Never Say Never'! Believe me, as once upon a time, I believe in what I think will and should be. But, I learnt a lesson. Just as what I've experience, a person that once I'm trying to make fun of with all kind of impossibilty became one of the most important people in my life now. I didn't say never, but I have that kind of thought that it is not gonna happen on me.

Somehow and somewhere in my life, I need to seriously relax. This kind of worried and tense life might drive me INSANE one day! No kidding. There is so much things to be settled and I have no clue on where about I should begin with. It is not that I have no one to share with what I'm thinking. But it's just not ME having to share what's bothering me. Not that I don't trust anyone, but it's just a kind of insecurity trying to reveal something. Furthermore, I absolutely hate getting comments instead of just listen and trying to support me.

Don't ask me why, I know sometimes I look depressing. I might be, but as I ever mentioned, I'm a girl that you would never understand what's in my mind. Don't try too hard to get rid of my protective cover, as you won't get anything if I have no intention to let it be. I'm undeniable the typical saggitarius, love freedom, being optimistic judging by the appearance, but in fact, I might be just pretending that it's not a big deal. You'll never know that when I'm back alone, it'll be a sleepless night.

I'm really planning to go away for a holiday. Probably on my own or I'll see how it goes. For no reason, I just need some moments to be left alone. Thinking back what had happened all these while and recharge my energy level. But I don't think it'll happen until after 13 June. The roster is already up till a month time. I don't think I could take off those shift just to disappear for a few days. Being honest, I care so much about what others said. Once is good enough to be ignore but twice is more than enough. Can I take control of my life instead? I'll seek for help when I think there's a need.

Hooray=D I'm actually giving myself a day off today, was able to have a day off on Wednesday but ended up receiving call from work when I'm still sleeping soundly in my warm bed, and I have to go to work. Same as to Friday, ended up having a 4 hours orientation shift which is unpaid. But I make up my mind to change my working availability to not available instead, I supposed I deserve a day-off! I reckon I'm definitely not a superwoman! But this is unbelievable, how did I manage to get this through? I came back to Adelaide on 20 April from Wudinna, had 2 days off and started my working marathon on 23 April. This working marathon ended yesterday, which is 14 May. I did 120 hrs+ in 22 days, which is 25 shifts all together.

I know it's insane. But it wasn't bad, there is not much chances out there for you to work this much of shifts. Can't deny that I'm absolutely tired. To be particular, I'm physically and emotionally drained. I fall asleep wherever I go. But guess what? I'm coping well and getting along well with this kind of routine. The hardest time was actually getting myself out of the bed early in the morning when it is so cold! No worries, I'm all good! Just probably working too hard, I know everyone is kind of worried about me, but I'm definitely fine, I could only say that I'm tired. Otherwise, I'm all good! I looks like a little girl, but I could work harder that you could ever thought of.

Now that I'm glad that I get a chance to actually deal with giving medication, I get the same pay as a carer, but this definitely helps for me to gain some experience when I'm really working as an Enrolled Nurse. Finding it a bit hard at the beginning as every place have the different system. But I'm feeling grateful that I knew all of the resident. I need more experience and learning to work on my own.

All I need now is being hardworking and lots of luck. Sorry that I'm keeping things to myself, but I have my own reason. I will mention it when it's over, but revealing it in the wrong timing is gonna be putting so much pressure on me. To be honest, I'm finding it pretty tough to take on all of the expectation. I gotta get it off. I love writing down how I feel, but frankly speaking, I don't really like people to get involved with what's in my mind or restricting my freedom. I'm crossed, but I can't do anything, I guess I need to accept that.

I supposed I'm still a lucky girl. At least I'm really having a great time at work, you guys did a wonderful job feeding me aye! Everyone is feeding me well. I think you guys reckon I need to put on some weight. And how funny is that, I was told off by a resident as I don't want to accept her bunch of grapes and an Easter egg. You guys feed me well and often pick and send me off work. I'm feeling just like a family with all of them!

LOST? Aye? Haven't heard of that from you. Well, I'm using that to describe myself at the moment. I feel lost, sort of like in the middle of nowhere?! Seriously, what am I doing now? WORK, WORK and WORK.. I couldn't deny that I wasn't tired, because I was. Try and imagine that this is my 12-day of work in a row, and it is still yet to go as I reckon. I probably screw up my normal life, now it's all about WORK, EAT and SLEEP. I must be glad that I'm not working nights.

It's kind of depressing when I said I'm kind of lost. In fact, I feel kind of sad when I finish a day of work and it started to rain when I'm waiting for bus. For whatever reason it is, there is only one thought in my mind, just let it rain, I just want to stay as where I was. I know I sound INSANE! But who cares? I just want to let it be.

Things are getting tough, and I have no idea what can I hang on to. I seems strong in my appearance, but sometimes it wasn't always as what you could see out there. It is hard to rely on something, as it won't be there forever, it's not going to work all of the time.

I don't know what am I thinking right at the moment. I thought that a lot of work could take me away from my mind, in fact, I'm tired physically and mentally. It doesn't work any way. I'm serious about the thought of wanting to go away for a while, I need to be left alone. Just ALONE. I just need somewhere quiet and relaxing. I'm trying to smile but it's tiring because I don't really feel so. I was just forcing myself to look like I'm the normal ME.

I'm just trying to work hard now, I would definitely plan and go somewhere when I had some day off. Keep going MICHELLE! You'll get there. TRY hard, CRY hard and don't PRETEND hard! Hold on to my self=)