我还真的不晓得自己最近怎么了？压力吧...课业有压力，工作更有压力，还有自己解决不了的问题，我觉得自己快发疯了！

也许我不曾发现，在某些方面，我像是个完美主义者。我很努力的想要做好每一件事，可是我并不完美。即使受了委屈我又能如何，我并没有想要回应的打算。我只有一个请求，不要再增加我的负担，不要再增加我的压力，让我有个依靠，好吗？

微笑不代表我真的很开心，有时候想掩饰真正的自己，也不想影响别人的情绪。我不晓得反驳，因为要比吵架，我不可能会赢。今天工作后，我真的超想哭，可是我不能让眼泪流下，要坚强不是吗？有时候，处处为人着想，站在别人的观点上思考，那我自己呢？我忘了我自己。我对着大家笑得灿烂，可是我没有笑给自己看。

果然我还是忍不住了。哥，我好想念你，你还是和以前一样那么的幽默，总是逗我笑。但这回我哭了，因为你说很久没有抱我了，就算要倒下，也要等到回家才行，因为你会替我人工呼吸！加上今天工作的压力，和一切的一切，我竟然哭得稀里哗啦...就像个小孩一样！你说，两个月很短，我相信你，会坚持走下去！

Guess what? They are my family in Adelaide. Well, I bought 2 of them here, 2 in Melbourne and one of the panda was given by my sister. When I feel down, I hug them tight. There is a saying that, when everything else fails, hug you teddy. A teddy will always care, no matter what. At least it works for me, I hug my teddy when I feel like crying. Sorry for wetting you guys, but I love you all=)

I know I might be childish, I do believe in fairytale. I named all of them and each of them represent a character in my family. The biggest teddy which apparently look darker is my dad(Gullivan), the one beside was my mom(Little Chu Chu), the panda was my sister (Tarepanda), the little on in the middle is me (Zac) and the one beside me is my brother (Winter Bear).

You can laugh as you like, I'm kind of like a little children aye? Hehe... They sleep with me everyday, unless I'm working night shift, I'm so gonna miss them! I always hug the big teddy (Daddy) when I sleep or talking on the phone. Hmm... Someone might wonder how does the teddy look like? Here a photo=)

Hmm, it's Spring now! The weather is getting warmer and seems great for me. But... Sometimes it's kind of too hot. I'm feeling suffocated and sweat like a pig during work. Well, the cherry blossom season was over, and here's the blooming cheery blossom. This is where I live, isn't that lovely? The sun strike and the cherry blossom was blooming gracefully!

There isn't much things happening around recently. Maybe yea, but I don't remember for the moment. It's about 3 weeks to go for my first aged care placement. I'm still wondering where am I gonna have my placement. That is not the most exciting part, it is... Just about less than 2 months to go, and I'm gonna be home! *Hooray!!!*

I'm looking forward for everything now. I'm gonna be busy next week onwards, I've got 3 nighshift in a row and a friend birthday to attend. My colleagues is planning for a day to hang out together. It's gonna be fun, eventhough I have quite a lot of age difference with them, but that's aright. OMG! I'm really looking forward for the first social outing for The Bentleigh! It's a must to join! That's probably my first ever social function here, and not with friends, with all of my colleagues. I have no idea how is the social function here.

I'm having my placement on that period but I might be able to make good use of my time and fit everything in. Just less than 2 months time for my first ever trip to home. I've been pushing hard all the way, the remaining 2 months will be the same. I'm not gonna lay back, I'm so gonna keep going. Well, I'm gonna grumble that I'm tired, but no worries, I'll be alright after spurting out my tiredness.

Cheers guys=)

I watched Charlie St. Cloud just now, one word to described, 'AWESOME'!! It's really worth watching. For those who thinks that you're probably lost somewhere in your life, watch this. You'll figure what things means in your life. I'm not after Zac Efron after all, so that's not the main point that I'm eyeing on this movie. Yeah right, he's good looking but that's not the main point in this movie. I saw the trailer when I watched 'Going the Distance' last time.

Well, it was so damn touching. It's about the value of relationship between brothers and your love one. It was about live, love and let go. When we live on we get involved with love, when dealing with love, there's time that we actually have to let go. Let go, because we need to go on. If you're given the second chance of live, it really means something. I cried like crazy in the cinema.

Maybe I've really seen how precious life is when dealing with death at work. Part of the reason that I would actually love being a nurse was being able to deal with people's life experience and learn from them. Everyone single one of them have their stories and it's really interesting. After all, it still depends on how do you look at things. Put your heart in there and you might be able to discover something.

I wonder why, but I've been writing a lot recently. I have no idea where to splash out all those thoughts in my mind. The only way was just write in down.

At some point, I really do understand that there's things that I need to let go. It's not that I can't make it. But, there's things that was not sure. Do I really know what I want? It's gonna take some time. Stop playing around, stop coming to me when I'm at the edge of making it through, be honest to yourself, make things clear please. There's a lot of things that I actually don't mind but it really doesn't mean I don't care.

I would actually love to watch Charlie St. Cloud again=)

Oh yeah *claps*... It's exactly 2 months time to go, and I'll be back at home! It's not I wanted to go home, but desperately!! I guess lots people was gonna turn crazy if they're not back home for more than a year. I'm not crazy yet, but I get kinda homesick and feels exhausted. There's no way for me to kind of like relax if I'm here, I couldn't figure out, but I'm pushing myself real hard here.

Work was kind of stress recently. There's lots of 'happening' things which changes the atmosphere of the working place. I'm worried that I couldn't finish on time, as I'm hopping all around recently, with all the residents that I've never did before. I'm glad that everything turn out to be fine, but I'm feeling so tired. My back and muscles was achingly pain, I guess I hurt myself during work. Geezz... Why are the old people so heavy? Or I'm a little tiny baby?

Oh! My soul's gone somewhere. Haha... Imagining all the happening and wonderful time I'm gonna have in 2 months time. Well, I GOTTA get through the placement first! I wonder where I'm gonna end up, just pray hard it's not gonna be where I don't want to.

I'm trying to make myself not to think so much recently. I'm tired, I just wanna sleep, I'm busy and that's it. I'm kind of mad on something, you know what? I don't hate you, not at all, but for your goodness sake, I don't give a damn thing on you, instead... You're the one who make things hard. Or did you really want me to tell you the truth? I don't care what do you wanna do, but don't be childish. Maybe I'm blind sometime before this, but I thought at some point we've spoken it clear enough.

And for some other reason, I'm mad too... I'm sorry for not being there on time my friend. Like what I said, put your feet in others shoes before pointing your fingers everywhere. You're smart all the time but not this time. Dig a hole to protect your precious but you're trap in there too. Sit back and think carefully before trying to compare a friend that you knew over a year and another which you knew just a few months ago. Sorry means nothing my dear! Be sincere if you really wanna apologize. Yea, that's right. Apology can be accepted but the harm being caused couldn't be neglected. Do you seriously think it's worth doing that, I'm sorry to say that you're stubborn instead of genius this time. Well, that might be your own value of life and I'm not gonna judge it according to my point of view.

Alright! I need to stop with that! Otherwise my anger would never stop! Hmm... I'm working tomorrow, hope everything's gonna be fine=) I'm gonna watch 'Charlie St. Cloud' after work tomorrow! I'm being good to myself recently, work hard, study hard and big treat for myself!

Anyway, OMG! Congrats to LCW, KKK/TBH, KKK/CEH and WMC! You guys did well hey! I can't believe I watch it live online... I used up a big amount of my internet data, but that's alright, I'm happy! It was tremendous to see KKK/TBH in action, you guys are so dramatic mann! I love those action and funny facial expression, it's AWESOME! Eventhough WMC only manage to get a silver medal, but cheer up girl, we know you did well! You tried your best! Hmm... I'm really curious about the happy ending of the relationship between LCW and WMC! Is it true? By the way, I always thought the breakup was some kind of distraction so people won't concentrate on the relationship instead of badminton. After all, I still think they are perfect match, lovely couple=) All the best yeah! I'm looking forward for the coming Asian Games! It seems a bit hard as the host country was China, they might have the advantage of being a host country.

I have no idea what do I really want to write here. The only thing I know is things are loading up my brain capacity. I've been thinking a lot on questions that I would never and ever figure out on my own. Yes, I care! But do you?

Don't ask me what it is if you know me well. Life is complicated as we know, after all, it's just like a hide and seek. You'll never get what you want when you desperately want to find it out, it will come to you when you think it's time to give up. But you'll never figure out the time frame. So what can I do?

Seriously, being really honest to everyone. I'm not really into working, I have the passion of working as a carer and being a nurse. I love and enjoy working. But I don't like the way of working day and night like crazy. I'm not after anything at all. In fact, that's the only way I could keep myself busy and not to think about anything, because I'm tired after all.

I'm tired of being in that way. I'm not trying to push anything, and I didn't even dare to, because I don't wanna lose anything. Everything I have and own now is too precious, I can't afford losing any of them. I try my best to cherish everything but somehow there's time that I think it's hard to hang on there. For what reason it is?

Okay! I know... Just let it be. Like a hide and seek. I'll probably figure out sometime in the future. I'm alright, just grumble again. I'm fine, just back to class again this week. So my horrible so called 'holiday' ends. I worked for 80+ hrs in 2 weeks and with the addition of assignments, I'm totally worned out. Sometimes I felt left out, when I really wanna talk, no one really cares. Yes, I'm mad. When I just don't feel like talking, you all will question why is it I didn't call.

Time flies! The first week of class after holiday ends.. It's about another 4 weeks to go for the aged care placement. It's time to adjust myself to the new routine again.

我看我真的疯了！现在早上10点半了，我已经工作了一整晚，现在却坐在电脑前打着字。也许是因为我把功课都赶完了，真的...松了一口气！前三晚，我都是早上5点半才入眠，白天和黑夜，傻傻分不清楚。

说心底话，我无论是身体上还是心理上都疲惫不堪了。我很努力的在撑着，你知道吗？就算我真的哭了，不是我脆弱了，只是我坚持了太久。很多事情，我对于自己，过度的执著了。对于自己要求高，真的会把自己逼疯！无论是工作还是可以课业，我不要求100分，因为没有完美的存在。但是，一定要达到我的目标。即使把自己累坏了，我还是不愿意放弃。

有人说，难道我就不懂得为自己着想吗？很多事情我都不介意，不介意多做，也不介意得到些什么，也许我就真的没有想很多。

刚刚把‘谈情说爱’看完了！只能说是赞！可是，真的好无奈，为什么人总是在失去后才明白拥有的幸福。爱情，有时候真的是天意弄人。其实这，让我想起你。我忘了从什么时候开始，听到你的声音，对我而言，是最大的安慰。有些事情，我从来都没告诉你，谢谢你在我最无助的时候帮我熬了过来。然而，很多事情我都弄不明白。所谓的火，总是燃烧在我脑袋里，所谓的不完美，到底是我猜测的那样吗？

现在我终于懂得累，想要睡觉了。